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Writing Samples
Band 8

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be e the consequences of this ?what solution can you offer?

#people #background #cities #work #e #consequences #offer
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In search of jobs, many countryside residents are moving to cities.
As a result
, farms and households are abandoned, which leads to a decrease in agricultural production, and provokes
further
 growth of the urban population. The solution to
this
 phenomenon might be investments in the agricultural sector, including tax benefits.
To begin
 with, mass migration of farmers to metropolitan areas triggers less use of farmland and a drop in agricultural products.
Thus
, there might be fewer fruits, vegetables, and grains produced, which causes a decline in the quality of products and the price rise. That aspect is quite sensitive for all people. There is a high chance that it will stir public dissatisfaction and depressive mood.
That is
not to mention
, that increasing city population escalates issues that have already been existing in urban life, including traffic problems, lack of space, high rent, unemployment, etc. To address the issue, the government should provide financial support and investments into the development of agriculture and related areas, which are infrastructure and facilities like healthcare and education. That will stop or slow down families with children from moving from villages into towns.
Moreover
, loans with zero interest rates might be suggested to farmers, who would like to buy land for agricultural needs or start farming. Tax reductions might be offered to those who integrate innovations into farming and create new workplaces. These measures might stimulate people to stay in the countryside and proceed with horticulture.
To conclude
, a reduction in the number of rural inhabitants has the most unpleasant consequences like desolation of lands, lack of food because of it, and continuous overpopulation in cities,
however
, these might be solved by the financial involvement of the government.
Submitted by natallia.khrenava on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure you fully address both parts of the question. Your essay does a good job of discussing consequences and solutions, but providing more specific examples to illustrate your points would strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is well-structured and ideas are logically presented. To further improve, try to use a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas more smoothly, and ensure paragraphing signals clear stages in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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