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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.

The chart below shows the changes in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.
#changes #three #areas #crime #machester #city #centre
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The line graph depicts the kind of
crime
Use synonyms
 that happened in Manchester city centre during nine
years
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
crime
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 of
burglary
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 experienced a downward trend,
car
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theft
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 showed a slow upward trend and robbery underwent
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fluctuates
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fluctuation
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. In the beginning, the
crime
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 in Manchester city
dominated
Add a missing verb
was dominated
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 by
burglary
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while
Linking Words
 the
last
Linking Words
, in 2012,
car
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theft
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 was a
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
crime
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. Looking in more detail, there was a gradual increase from around 500 to just under 1000
cases
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 in
burglary
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crime
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,
then
Linking Words
 it
decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
 to 500
cases
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 in 2008,
after
Correct word choice
and after
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 that it volatile over 4
years
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. Meanwhile,
car
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theft
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 started
in
Change preposition
with
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 2300
cases
Use synonyms
,
next
Correct word choice
apply
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it went up and down from 2003 until 2009,
then
Linking Words
 it grew slightly for 3
years
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,
ended
Correct word choice
and ended
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around
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at around
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 2800
cases
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 in 2012. It means
,
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apply
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car
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theft
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 was
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the highest
crime
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 in Manchester city.
In
Change the preposition
On
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 the contrary, the most happened in 2003 was
burglary
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. It rose marginally at approximately 3700
cases
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 in 2004, before it had fallen
into
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to
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 roughly 1100
cases
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. One year later, it backed up again to 1500
cases
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 and it remained steady over 3
years
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Submitted by Dedeways244 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words crime, years, burglary, car, theft, cases with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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