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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.

The chart below shows the changes in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.
#changes #three #areas #crime #machester #city #centre
The line graph depicts the kind of
crime
 that happened in Manchester city centre during nine
years
.
Overall
, the
crime
 of
burglary
 experienced a downward trend,
car
theft
 showed a slow upward trend and robbery underwent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuates
Replace the word
fluctuation
show examples
. In the beginning, the
crime
 in Manchester city
dominated
Add a missing verb
was dominated
show examples
 by
burglary
while
 the
last
, in 2012,
car
theft
 was a
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
crime
. Looking in more detail, there was a gradual increase from around 500 to just under 1000
cases
 in
burglary
crime
,
then
 it
decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
 to 500
cases
 in 2008,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that it volatile over 4
years
. Meanwhile,
car
theft
 started
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 2300
cases
,
next
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it went up and down from 2003 until 2009,
then
 it grew slightly for 3
years
,
ended
Correct word choice
and ended
show examples
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 2800
cases
 in 2012. It means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
car
theft
 was
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the highest
crime
 in Manchester city.
In
Change the preposition
On
show examples
 the contrary, the most happened in 2003 was
burglary
. It rose marginally at approximately 3700
cases
 in 2004, before it had fallen
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 roughly 1100
cases
. One year later, it backed up again to 1500
cases
 and it remained steady over 3
years
Submitted by Dedeways244 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words crime, years, burglary, car, theft, cases with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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