What are your Achievements in 2023 and Revolutions in 2024

#achievements #revolutions

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Many things happened in 2023, and there were revolutions in 2024.

Last

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year

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was a

year

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of surprise and happiness because we bought a new

house

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and gained

Canadian

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citizenship

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Firstly

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, my family was so lucky when we bought a

house

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. We were fortunate because we found a pretty cheap

house

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, but the

house

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is still beautiful, big, and near everything. Our

house

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was near school, the mall, and even downtown, making our transportation faster and taking less

time

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Secondly

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, we

finally

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gained

Canadian

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citizenship

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. My mom studied and worked hard every day for

this

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. She spent

time

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daily improving her

English

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skills for IELTS and working hard to gain some plus points for a better chance of achieving

Canadian

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citizenship

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. After all the work, she now has

Canadian

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citizenship

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, and because of that, I became a

Canadian

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citizen, too.

To sum up

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, I bought a new

house

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and became a

Canadian

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citizen, making 2023 the best

year

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in my life until now.

This

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year

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, there are two resolutions: an approach to better

English

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and a visit back to my motherland.

To begin

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with, I want to learn more

English

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to improve my skill level. I’ll write every day to make my paragraph better and better.

Also

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, I will try to learn new

English

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words so I can speak freely and masterly.

Next,

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my family and I will visit

Vietnam

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after a long

time

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. After two years in Canada, I am looking forward to going to

Vietnam

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to see what changes and to see my family and friends; I want to see where I grew up after a very long

time

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. To wrap up, improving my

English

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skill level and going back to

Vietnam

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will make 2024 to look forward to.

To conclude

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, approaching a higher level of

English

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and returning to

Vietnam

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will make 2024 a

year

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I will never forget.

Also

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, 2023 is the

year

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that made me proud because I became

Canadian

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and because we had our own

house

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Submitted by huyenle1205 on Wed Jan 17 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that you directly address all parts of the task, structuring your essay clearly with an introduction that sets the context, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a separate idea, and finishing with a conclusion that summarises your main points.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a wider range of linking words and structuring phrases to create cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader easily follow the progression of your ideas.

task achievement

Make sure to answer the essay question directly and remain focused on the prompt throughout your essay. Use the task as a clear guide for each paragraph and ensure your conclusion ties neatly back to the question posed, reflecting on the points you've discussed.

task achievement

To achieve clarity in your ideas, plan your paragraphs around specific points. Use a topic sentence to introduce the idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea, and a concluding sentence to summarize or transition to the next point.

task achievement

Your use of specific examples is good; these help to support your main points. To further improve, ensure that the relevance of each example is completely clear, explaining how it directly relates to the prompt and reinforces your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

332 words

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What are your Achievements in 2023 and Revolutions in 2024

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and your opinion.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You forgot an item of clothing at the hotel where you stayed recently. Write a letter to the hotel manager and include the following: – When did you stay and in what room? – Describe the item you left behind. – What would you like the manager to do about it?

N All over the world societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem effects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity. How could it be tackled?