IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime
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As
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 in a contemporary era where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 is more advanced these days, it is still unclear whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 increases crime or even
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 the opposite.
This
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 essay will examine both
of
Change preposition
apply
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perspectives
along with
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 my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, the modernization of
technology
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 leads to the easier application of security
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 for many individuals.
To compare
Change the verb form
Compared
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 with the method in the past, security nowadays
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not need to indulge
of
Change preposition
in
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humans action
Fix the agreement mistake
human actions
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 to secure certain precious things and it
is
Verb problem
has
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 already proven efficient to
be implemented
Wrong verb form
implement
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.
For instance
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, it is commonly known that several houses in society already have
cctv
Correct your spelling
CCTV
 cameras which can detect or give an alarm if there is
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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someone or something suspicious to prevent any
burglarly
Correct your spelling
burglary
burglar
 activities. I can see that
this
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 example shows that
technology
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 efficiency is
beneficially
Change the word
beneficial
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facilitate
Verb problem
apply
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an
Correct your spelling
and
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assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
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to
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apply
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people
on
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
On the other hand
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, there is
also
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 an upward trend
on
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in
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 criminality that cannot be denied as many individuals
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 for
its vessel
Fix the agreement mistake
their vessels
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.
The
Correct article usage
Technology
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technology
Use synonyms
 development actually becomes
Correct article usage
an advantages
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 for lawbreakers as it is
efforless
Correct your spelling
easier
 for them to commit wrongdoings since they acknowledge that there is a gap to be exploited from there.
For instance
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, most of the majority of the total crimes in Indonesia come from cyber
violation
Fix the agreement mistake
violations
show examples
 where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminality
happenned
Correct your spelling
happens
 through
internet
Add an article
the internet
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 social media.
This
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 elaborates
the
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on the
show examples
 significant growth
on
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in
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 likely
support
Fix the infinitive
to support
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 to carry out
a
Correct article usage
apply
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fraud.
To sum up
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, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 is now advanced, its role acts like a double-edged sword where it can be both to save humans from criminality or vice versa. I strongly believe that it is indeed raising chances for people to protect themselves,
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however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is
undenied
Replace the word
undeniable
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 that it helps some communities implement more crimes.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the intention to discuss both views as well as providing a clear thesis statement reflecting your own opinion.
task achievement
Make certain that all parts of the question are directly addressed, including a discussion of both viewpoints and your own opinion. Expand and support each viewpoint with detailed and specific examples.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in expressing points of view, making sure that each main idea is elaborated upon with sufficient detail and explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the cohesion of the essay by incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to better link ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure paragraphs have central topic sentences and that all subsequent sentences are clearly related to the central topic of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed in the essay and reinforce the writer's opinion, while ensuring no new information is introduced.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
What to do next:
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