IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in a contemporary era where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 is more advanced these days, it is still unclear whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 increases crime or even
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 the opposite.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
perspectives
along with
Linking Words
 my own opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the modernization of
technology
Use synonyms
 leads to the easier application of security
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 for many individuals.
To compare
Change the verb form
Compared
show examples
 with the method in the past, security nowadays
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not need to indulge
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
humans action
Fix the agreement mistake
human actions
show examples
 to secure certain precious things and it
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 already proven efficient to
be implemented
Wrong verb form
implement
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is commonly known that several houses in society already have
cctv
Correct your spelling
CCTV
 cameras which can detect or give an alarm if there is
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
someone or something suspicious to prevent any
burglarly
Correct your spelling
burglary
burglar
 activities. I can see that
this
Linking Words
 example shows that
technology
Use synonyms
 efficiency is
beneficially
Change the word
beneficial
show examples
facilitate
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is
also
Linking Words
 an upward trend
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 criminality that cannot be denied as many individuals
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 for
its vessel
Fix the agreement mistake
their vessels
show examples
.
The
Correct article usage
Technology
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 development actually becomes
Correct article usage
an advantages
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 for lawbreakers as it is
efforless
Correct your spelling
easier
 for them to commit wrongdoings since they acknowledge that there is a gap to be exploited from there.
For instance
Linking Words
, most of the majority of the total crimes in Indonesia come from cyber
violation
Fix the agreement mistake
violations
show examples
 where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminality
happenned
Correct your spelling
happens
 through
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 social media.
This
Linking Words
 elaborates
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 significant growth
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 likely
support
Fix the infinitive
to support
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to carry out
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fraud.
To sum up
Linking Words
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 is now advanced, its role acts like a double-edged sword where it can be both to save humans from criminality or vice versa. I strongly believe that it is indeed raising chances for people to protect themselves,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is
undenied
Replace the word
undeniable
show examples
 that it helps some communities implement more crimes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the intention to discuss both views as well as providing a clear thesis statement reflecting your own opinion.
task achievement
Make certain that all parts of the question are directly addressed, including a discussion of both viewpoints and your own opinion. Expand and support each viewpoint with detailed and specific examples.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in expressing points of view, making sure that each main idea is elaborated upon with sufficient detail and explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the cohesion of the essay by incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to better link ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure paragraphs have central topic sentences and that all subsequent sentences are clearly related to the central topic of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed in the essay and reinforce the writer's opinion, while ensuring no new information is introduced.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: