IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore, it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is said that
household
Use synonyms
chores
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 should be divided between females and males. It is Because, in
this
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 era, there are more and more wives who work full
time
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement for several reasons which I will explain in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Perhaps, one major reason for
this
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 is that sharing house
chores
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 in a family lessens the extra burden of a single person. Because both the wife and husband are
also
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 employees in a company, they have many daily tasks which must be finished quickly
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
For example
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, when the woman is cooking, the man can sweep the room.
As a consequence
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 of
this
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, the couple can complete their tasks
assistance
Change preposition
with assistance
show examples
 on
time
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everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, equivalent contribution to housework by both spouses is crucial for the purpose of maintaining the happiness of the family. If one partner is solely responsible for
household
Use synonyms
chores
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 it can lead to increased stress and the risk of exhaustion after a busy working day. Another reason for
this
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 is that sharing and doing housework together decreases the outlay. If a family hires a housemaid, they must spend extra money every month for
this
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.
For instance
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, in European countries, There are many families that do not have a housemaid because of the high cost of paying a maid so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they get used to doing their own
household
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chores
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.
To conclude
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, I totally agree with sharing
household
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 tasks which is beneficial if it is done by wives and husbands in a family because the positive impact from
this
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 is that it can bring efficient
time
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 to manage the best quality
time
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 with family including decreasing monthly expenses.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider providing smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, clearly defined point and fully develops it before moving to the next idea.
task achievement
Make sure each example you provide directly supports the point being discussed and fully explain how it ties into your argument.
task achievement
Aim to provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes all your main points and reaffirms your stance clearly.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear and relevant introduction that sets the stage for your argument.
supported main points
You have included specific examples that support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
complete response
The essay addresses the task prompt completely and provides a clear stance, which is essential for a high score.
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