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Band 8

Influence of human beings on the world ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio diversity? What solution can you suggest.

#influence #beings #world #ecosystem #extinction #species #loss #biodiversity #bio #diversity
The extinction of species and loss of biodiversity is significantly influenced by human activities.
This
 drawback is caused by overpopulation, deforestation and the mining industry.
This
 essay will explore
this
 phenomenon and propose possible solutions to alleviate its negative impacts.
To begin
 with, high birth rates in some developing countries contribute to rapid population growth,
hence
 human needs for energy resources increased. Overpopulation
also
 creates more pollution
such
 as air pollution from vehicles which causes global warming that affects the earth's temperature.
Additionally
, excessive logging destroys the ecosystem in some areas.
For instance
, the existence of Orangutans in Borneo is threatened by illegal logging in their habitat.
Furthermore
, the demand for coal production in the mining commerce to generate electricity
also
 has a negative impact on the environment. The mining industry caused water pollution by realising metal-contaminated water to the surface or underground, lowering the pH of water.
However
, there are three effective solutions to tackle
this
 problem.
Firstly
, promoting family planning measures and raising awareness about the implications of rapid population growth can help stabilize birth rates.
Secondly
, it is crucial to prioritize sustainable development in the combustion engine with fuel-cell technology.
This
 technology is being developed right across the automotive industry and is expected to have a major impact in slowing down climate change.
Lastly
, the government must take strict policies on the mining corporations to minimize the negative impact on the ecosystem. In conclusion, it is challenging to prevent
this
 issue. By implementing population control measures, investing in the development of green energy, and establishing strict regulations on mining management, we can effectively reduce
this
 problem.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Make sure to directly address all parts of the question consistently throughout the essay. The introduction can more explicitly mention the main causes and solutions to avoid any ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the flow and structure of the essay.
task achievement
Provide specific, real-world examples to support your points, as this makes your arguments more convincing and relevant to the question.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious of grammatical errors and work on sentence complexity to create more nuanced arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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