IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally importantfor a country. Discuss both these views a d give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #importantfor #country
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The pillars of a
country
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's development are rooted in various facets, namely the economy, agriculture, health, and so on. Some authorities argue that economic growth is the most fundamental,
while
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 others believe all aspects are crucial at the same level.
This
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 essay will discuss both statements and why I side with the latter. On
one
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 hand, the continuity of programs, infrastructure constructions, and public facility maintenance
are
Change the verb form
is
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 successful because of the established funding and will severely impact the citizens.
For instance
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, a region's low income will make the authority lose its ability to subsidize the agricultural
area
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, which is the price of staple goods,
such
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 as rice, meats, and eggs.
Consequently
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, if the
country
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's financial system does not march forward, it will cause
further
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 chaos among citizens or even inflation.
Thus
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, maintaining economic stability is a fairly important purpose.
Nonetheless
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, all fields should work together to achieve the
country
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's growth and it is unwise to count on
one
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area
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 only as the absence of only
one
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area
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 can cause social imbalances.
For example
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, Indonesia was
one
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 of the countries that survived major inflation during the COVID-19 outbreak because the government prioritized the public's health conditions as citizens were the main subject of running the
country
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's economic gears.
As a result
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, the COVID-19 outbreak was able to be significantly reduced
while
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 managing financial stability as the authority relied on loans from
World
Correct article usage
the World
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 Bank. If the authority puts financial development and neglects its people, it would cause severe social instability and human rights violations.
Hence
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, it is ideal to not rely on
one
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 field as every
area
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 has its own unignorable importance. In conclusion, keeping the right balance in every aspect is more important than solely prioritizing financial stability.
Finally
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, fair sociological well-being offsets the financial progress of a
country
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,
although
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 both are impactful for society.
Submitted by pink panther on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph clearly presents a single main idea, supported by relevant details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay by using cohesive devices effectively, connecting ideas smoothly throughout.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by being more specific and directly linking them to the main idea of the paragraph for stronger support.
task achievement
In your conclusion, briefly summarise the main points of the essay and ensure that it reflects the discussion throughout your essay, including your personal opinion.
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