IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that all popular TV programs should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #tv #programs #aim #viewers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Television is a powerful
media
Fix the agreement mistake
medium
show examples
 to distribute any kind of information. A variety of purposes can be slipped into different types of
programs
. From TV series, reality shows, news
programs
, movies, music and so on. It is agreed that despite the distinct clothing of these entertainments, an educational aim has to be one of its core values. Education can be brought up lightly or heavily,
however
, important social issues should be shown on the table. Generally, the kind of
programs
 discussing important matters are the ones that are commonly rated bland or boring, like the news or Discovery Channel. There is only a hint of loyal watchers like the fathers or grandfathers. Perhaps a few young people considered politics or business as substantial. It is something that needs to be renewed, with a more creative adaptation, adding a smart and witty comedian to the room or slipping a musical break in between a heated discussion.
On the other hand
, the apple of most viewers' eyes,
such
 as musicals and movies that are purposively seen as solely amusing, have multiple enjoyers. It is undeniable that we have a greater opportunity to peppers some issues into the amusement. The quantity of the talked issue may pretty much less than the other program but it can get through to wider eyes and ears.
Hence
, it values the same. After all, it is crucial to bring some educational information into a handful of TV
programs
. As television covers a wide scope of receivers, we can create shades of things from a joyful reality show to smart entertaining
programs
. In the future, maybe we can integrate TV into the formal education curriculum since it is now easier to make videos
for instance
 on YouTube or TikTok.
Submitted by aghnia.ulhaq on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples or further explanation. This will help to develop your points more fully, providing a more compelling argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating stronger topic sentences for each paragraph to clearly present the main point. Then, ensure that the following sentences expand on that point coherently.
coherence and cohesion
Use a broader range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore, consequently) to better link ideas and paragraphs, making the text flow more naturally.
task achievement
Include a concluding sentence in each body paragraph to summarise the argument and reflect on how it supports the overall thesis of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: