IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, many people think that peers should start studying a foreign
language
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 at
primary
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the primary
show examples
 level because it can make them more capable
to pick
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of picking
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 things in any society if
students
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 start studying
the
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apply
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foreign
languages
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in
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at
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higher
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the higher
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 or secondary level,
this
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 will make the
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student
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students
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 uncomfortable. In
this
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 essay, we will study
about
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apply
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the benefits and harms of learning foreign
languages
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. From one point of view, if a
student
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have
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has
show examples
syarted
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started
 learning any foreign
lanuguage
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language
in
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at
show examples
 the
begining
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beginning
 of his
education
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,
this
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 will help
alot
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a lot
 that particular
student
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 in his daily life
as well as
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 in the future or if the
student
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 plan to study abroad,
then
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 foreign
languages
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 would help him
alot
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a lot
 in his
education
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 and
also
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 in the job. Recently, the
Goverment
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government
 of
Pakistan
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 have made
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the english
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english
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English
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language
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 compulsory in every school
bnecause
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because
 it
have
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has
show examples
 been observed, that
this
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 trend is increasing day by day, the young public today after completing their intermediate or
bachelor
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bachelor's
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 from
Pakistan
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 try to continue their
education
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 in any foreign country. So, it will prove a good rule to teach any of the foreign
lanuguage
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language
 from the
begining
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beginning
 so that youth would not have to face
difficultuies
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difficulties
 in the future.
On the other hand
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, making the foreign
language
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complusory
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compulsory
 in our
education
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 from the
begining
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beginning
 would
also
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 have
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a ha
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ha
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a
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 side effect on the youth because,
such
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students
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 who
wants
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want
show examples
 to stay in
Pakistan
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 throughout their life and
also
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wants
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want
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 to continue with
job
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the job
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 in their own country, those
students
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 would not be able to focus on one
language
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such
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 as the national
language
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 of
Pakistan
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 is
urdu
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Urdu
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 and
punjabi
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Punjabi
show examples
. So if our schools, colleges, and universities teachers teach
students
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 two to three
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language
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languages
show examples
 including foreign
languages
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this
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 would have a
negitive
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negative
 effect on the
student
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 and
such
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students
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 would not be able to focus and their minds would be confused. In conclusion,
although
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 those
students
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 studying
foreign
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a foreign
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language
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 from the
begining
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beginning
 would face minimum
dificulties
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difficulties
 in moving to different countries
but
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apply
show examples
those
students
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 who do not have planned to move abroad face difficulties because of studying
foreign
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a foreign
show examples
language
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. In my opinion, teachers should focus on
students
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according to
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 their goals or needs.

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task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the question, but the response needs to be more developed with clearer argumentation. Focus on fully answering the question by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way, and then clearly stating if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Organise your ideas more logically, using paragraphs effectively to separate them. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and the ideas within the paragraph should link together smoothly.
supported main points
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main point of that paragraph, and then support that point with specific examples or explanations.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved to more effectively introduce the topic and summarise your viewpoint. The conclusion particularly should clearly state if you believe the advantages do or do not outweigh the disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
What to do next:
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