IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that there should be a common punishment for committing a certain crime for all criminals who carry it out. On the other hand, others suggest that the comditions under which the criminal commits a crime should be taken into consideration before deciding the punishment. How far do you agree or disagree with the arguments presented?

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In the realm of criminality, there is a perennial debate revolving around whether perpetrators of a certain crime should be punished in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same way or not. I am inclined to believe that
punishment
Use synonyms
 must be different
due to
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justice
Correct article usage
the justice
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 principle which is manifested in every court. By applying
this
Linking Words
 kind of principle, regulators have to apply certain laws based on certain conditions,
such
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 as motivation and maturity. It could be argued that just act is when courts give different penalties for different
motivation
Fix the agreement mistake
motivations
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. In
this
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 regard, judicial courts and prosecutors should examine what is the motive
from
Change preposition
of
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 certain criminals and they could give
punishment
Use synonyms
regarding
Verb problem
based
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 on the motive.
For instance
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, there are two
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
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.
While
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 the first case took place in terms of
Correct article usage
a coincidentally
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coincidentally
Change the adverb
coincidental
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 collision between two cars, the other happened in terms of
reveange
Correct your spelling
revenue
revenge
 and it was a well-planned killing. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the penalty must be different. The
punishment
Use synonyms
 for the second case should
harder
Add a missing verb
be harder
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 than the first.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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such
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 as
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
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 of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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also
Linking Words
 should be
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
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 consideration. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, the penalty for
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 must be
differ
Replace the word
different
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
Use synonyms
punishment
Correct article usage
the punishment
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 for
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
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. Needless to say, youth have a different
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 condition as they do not really understand
about
Change preposition
apply
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the legitimated law and constitution.
Furthermore
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, their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 to some
extents
Fix the agreement mistake
extent
show examples
 is under parental
advisories
Fix the agreement mistake
advisory
show examples
. Regulators should create certain rules for
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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 based on age. To take everything into account, I firmly agree with the discussed notion because
that is
Linking Words
 a part of justice application in societies. The government should look for two main considerations which are motive and age.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear position and attempts to support your ideas, the development of those ideas is sometimes limited. Be sure to fully expand on your main points with specific details and examples to add to the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear overall structure; however, the logical flow between ideas could be enhanced. Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to create a smoother transition between ideas and to maintain the coherence of your essay. Also, consider expanding upon your examples to further support your main points and ensure the relevance of your arguments to the question posed.
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