some people think that competition at work, at school and on daily life is a good thing. others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other

#people #competition #work #school #life

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Some people believe that

competition

Use synonyms

is essential in work, school, and daily life as it motivates individuals to succeed. Others argue that

cooperation

Use synonyms

is more important, and I agree with the latter perspective. Supporters of

competition

Use synonyms

argue that it drives success. They believe that individuals perform better when they are pushed to compete.

However

Linking Words

, I disagree with

this

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viewpoint. Introducing

competition

Use synonyms

into everyday life often leads to negative outcomes.

For instance

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, in a company where employees are regularly pitted against one another, a toxic environment can develop.

This

Linking Words

fosters self-interest over teamwork, ultimately harming the organization’s profits.

In contrast

Linking Words

, fostering

cooperation

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encourages employees to work together harmoniously, boosting motivation and productivity, which benefits the company as a whole.

Similarly

Linking Words

, in schools,

competition

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can have detrimental effects on children. When children are constantly compared to their peers, they may develop insecurities and feel that their efforts are never enough.

This

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can lead to low self-esteem and impact their development into adulthood.

Cooperation

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on the other hand

Linking Words

, builds confidence, teaches teamwork, and helps children thrive in both personal and professional life. In conclusion,

competition

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often creates conflict and reduces creativity,

whereas

Linking Words

cooperation

Use synonyms

fosters harmony and innovation. Parents, teachers, employers, and friends should prioritize teaching

cooperation

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to build a more supportive and successful society.

Submitted by layla.jad on Sat Jan 04 2025

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task response

To further enhance your essay, provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, you could include a case study or a real-life example of how cooperation benefitted a company or classroom.

coherence cohesion

While the logical structure is clear, you could consider using more advanced linking phrases and cohesive devices to enrich the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay features a strong introduction and a well-rounded conclusion that captures the main argument effectively.

logical structure

You've done an excellent job at presenting your ideas clearly and logically, maintaining a coherent order throughout the essay.

supported main points

The balanced presentation of arguments for and against competition, followed by a clear personal stance, supports the essay's cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

211 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

innovation
productivity
excel
outperform
advancements
academic standards
work ethic
stress
anxiety
unhealthy rivalries
harmonious
supportive
collaborative learning
social skills
communication skills
sense of community
collective goals

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some people think that competition at work, at school and on daily life is a good thing. others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work fro home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth . However , some argue that it should prioritize addressing social and environmental issues .