IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for children 2. How far do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion on this

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A section of society holds the belief that
content
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 telecasted by various channels offers no actual benefits for the younger audience. In my conviction,
adult
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content
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 on
TV
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 may have
negative
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a negative
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 physiological effect on
children
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 ,
whereas
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, by watching educational
programmes
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, they can gain knowledge.
Therefore
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, I wish to partially agree with the captioned statement.
To begin
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 with, watching age-inappropriate material on
television
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 may negatively impact the mental health and stability of young viewers.In my opinion ,
children
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 have the tendency to imitate
adult
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 behaviour without questioning the morality of
such
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action
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actions
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. When they are exposed to negative
adult
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content
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 on
television
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such
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 as violence, substance use and bad language,they may follow
such
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 actions, and
as a
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result
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result,
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 they may inculcate substandard behaviour as well. To illustrate
this
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,
according to
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 an article which appeared in the New York Times in December 2023, it was revealed that 68% of underaged crimes in the US have been committed by teens, who were influenced by violent
content
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such
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 as WWE on
television
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.
Hence
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, it is evident that
adult
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 material on
television
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 may have a detrimental effect on minors.
On the other hand
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, by viewing educational
content
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such
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 as documentaries, quizzes and news
programmes
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,
children
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 may enhance curricular and general knowledge.
According to
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 my observation,
TV
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 can deliver an impactful audio-visual experience, which
maybe
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may be
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 used as an effective learning aid to educate youngsters.
Therefore
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, in some countries,
TV
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 is used as an educational tool to improve their language and vocabulary and
also
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 develop their skills and logical thinking.
For example
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, during the Covid lockdown in 2020, when
children
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 were confined to their homes, the national
television
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 in Sri Lanka , telecast
programmes
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 to support them in their GCE test preparation.
Thus
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, I sincerely believe that
television
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 can be used effectively to educate the younger generation. In conclusion,
children
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 who tend to imitate negative
adult
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 actions on
TV
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 may inculcate immora; and substandard behaviour.
In contrast
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, the younger viewers who are encouraged to watch educational
programmes
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 may improve their knowledge and all-round skills. As
such
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,
this
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 writer is in partial agreement with the notion that
television
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programmes
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 are of no real value
for
Change preposition
to
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children
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.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between ideas. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to make the progression of your essay more natural and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are supported, providing more varied and specific examples would strengthen your argument and support each point more convincingly.
task achievement
Your task response is adequate, but for a higher score, ensure you address all parts of the prompt with an equal level of detail. Also, try to develop your opinion more thoroughly throughout the essay, with a clear stance visible early in the response.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure ideas are not only clear but also comprehensive, offering a thorough examination of the topic. Sometimes, providing additional context or deeper insight could enhance the comprehensiveness of ideas presented.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your arguments better. These examples should clearly demonstrate the point you're trying to make, and ideally, they should come from a range of sources, including studies, reports, personal experiences, or observations.
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