IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In some cultures, children are often told that thy can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
In some cultures, people would tell
children
 they can accomplish anything as long as they work hard enough. I regard having
children
 receive
this
 viewpoint can improve their incentive to study, but
children
 might doubt themselves if they fail in the area they are not good at. On the positive
side
, kids having faith that they can achieve anything through hard work motivates them to try their best to study what they are interested in and make their dreams come true. If they do not believe in their abilities to succeed, they might waste their potential.
In contrast
, kids who are encouraged to believe in their efforts have more confidence when they face challenges, they
also
 tend to be more patient and resilient when they fail, because of believe the achievement will come in the future if they persist in trying. On the negative
side
, trusting the effort is leading to inevitable achievement is not always good for youngsters’ mental health. People are born special, achievements are not only influenced by effort but
also
 by education, talent and luck. Youngsters need to ascertain what is suitable for them, ignoring the elements which affect their effort has potential possibilities of frustration and self-doubt, because they think it is only their fault for not reaching their goals. In conclusion, teaching
children
 they can achieve anything if they work hard enough has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
side
 which motivates
children
 to study hard to reach their goals,
as well as
 has negative
side
 which self-blame may occur when they fail.
Submitted by ffff815 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that defines the scope of the essay and summarises the main points.
relevant specific examples
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enrich the essay and give the reader a better understanding of the points you are making.
logical structure
Make sure your essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, with well-defined paragraphs for each argument.
supported main points
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use cohesive devices to transition between ideas effectively.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task, including both advantages and disadvantages, to provide a more complete response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas further by adding detail and depth to your discussion. This will help articulate a more comprehensive view addressing the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: