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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative mmedicines and treatmens instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #mmedicines #treatmens #doctor #development
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In the present day, the number of sick
people
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 who are seeking care from
alternative
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medicine
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 regimens
instead
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 of conventional
medicine
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 is continually rising. In my opinion,
this
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 should be viewed as a negative development because of the current lack of credibility and evidence, and the possibility of the treatment causing a placebo effect bias rather than resulting in an actual cure. As of right now, there is still a scarcity of credibility and scientific, research-based evidence in the
alternative
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medicine
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 field.
For example
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, in 2007, there was a malpractice case involving an
alternative
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medicine
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 practitioner, which caused a child to die from severe allergic reactions right after the practitioner administered a so-called herbal remedy. It turned out that the suspect did not have any medical background or qualifications. If the diseased
people
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 choose to seek treatments in a field with no objective resources for the practitioner to learn from and with the absence of qualifying requirements, it can be confirmed that the outcome would be significantly worse than going to a doctor
instead
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.
Furthermore
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, even if there are
people
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 who are cured of their diseases after receiving an
alternative
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medicine
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 approach, there is still a significant possibility that the cure is confounded by a placebo effect bias.
People
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 may be cured simply because they believed that only
alternative
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medicine
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 could cure their diseases when in reality, there were other factors that contributed more to their disease eradication process, as elaborated in a recently published research study. In conclusion, the change in health-seeking behaviour from the proper, conventional
medicine
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 field to an
alternative
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 approach should be viewed as a negative development, owing to its many downsides,
such
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 as the lack of evidence and the possibility of having a placebo effect.
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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structuring by ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next, perhaps by using more effective transitional phrases between ideas to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states your position and a conclusion that summarizes the key points made within the body of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with more specific and credible examples or data to support your argument, thereby enhancing the persuasiveness and depth of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that the response comprehensively addresses all aspects of the task, including a balanced discussion if the prompt requires a discussion of both sides.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas to provide a more comprehensive understanding of your position and argument. Avoid making broad generalizations without sufficient support.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant specific examples or case studies to substantiate your points, adding authenticity and weight to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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