There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Non-curricular subjects are equally important as the core ones as they play a vital role in the development of model

students

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, statistics exemplify

students

Use synonyms

have struggled academically

due to

Linking Words

these elective

courses

Use synonyms

. In the line of the said issue, the small proportion of the populace ought the government to completely demolish these

courses

Use synonyms

. I completely disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement, I will discuss my point of view with evidence for each claim.

To begin

Linking Words

with, elective

courses

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as physical education,cookery, painting, etc help in developing numerous skills needed by the

students

Use synonyms

which academic

courses

Use synonyms

could not provide.

For instance

Linking Words

,Ahmad who is the model student in his school is given the opportunity to study abroad.

However

Linking Words

, he does not know how to cook.How can he survive in a foreign country alone without

this

Linking Words

skill

Change the punctuation

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, physical education is important in maintaining the cardiovascular fitness of the

students

Use synonyms

By doing

Change preposition

Doing

show examples

this

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

automatically sharpens their academic attainment.

To sum up

Linking Words

, these

courses

Use synonyms

are essential in attending

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

needs of the

students

Use synonyms

in the future.

Moreover

Linking Words

students

Use synonyms

have a chance to discover their hidden talents or explore their interests outside of academic fields :athletes, painters, and chefs. It may help

students

Use synonyms

have a clear overview and choose the career path they want.

Last

Linking Words

but not least,

students

Use synonyms

need something that can clear their mind after tiring study hours.Studying requires much concentration and cognitive thinking.

For example

Linking Words

,a mere soccer match can alleviate their stress. In conclusion, non-academic

courses

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give

students

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a short break from study and chances for them to explore numerous field jobs. On the final note, elective

courses

Use synonyms

are the key ingredients in moulding competent

students

Use synonyms

with the skills they should have.They should not be neglected in any situation but paid more attention.

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coherence cohesion

Try to clearly separate paragraphs with line breaks or indentation.

task achievement

Be mindful of some grammatical errors and lexical choices to ensure clarity and accuracy (e.g., 'a small proportion of the populace ought the government to' should be 'a small proportion of the populace believes that the government should').

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance cohesion.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and maintains it throughout.

task achievement

The examples provided are relevant and strengthen the main points.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and reiterates the main argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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