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Band 4

IN MANY PARTS OF THE WORLD, ILLITERACY RATES ARE STILL HIGH. WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? WHAT SOLUTIONS CAN YOU SUGGEST?

#parts #world #illiteracy #rates
Nowadays
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
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 may have problems in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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school
. One of the most
popular
Correct word choice
common
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 – they can not stay focused on a lesson. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will try to open
this
 problem and solve it. When pupils come to teaching class, they meet a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
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 friends there and
firstly
, they want to talk about everything with them, not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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study
.
This
 is because they want to discuss what happened
on
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in
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a
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their
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 free time.
Secondly
, almost all of them got their cell phones with any kind of applications, including game
app’s
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apps
app
show examples
.
Thirdly
, not all teachers know how to be interesting for the kids and how to intrigue them
in
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with
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 a theme
what
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of what
show examples
 they
study
. Now I want to say, how we can solve
this problems
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this problem
these problems
show examples
 in a
school
. It may be helpful to start a lesson with
5
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a 5
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-10 minutes break
for asking
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to ask
show examples
 every kid about what they really worry about in
a
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apply
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school
off
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apply
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life. It will help
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
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 to get a contact with his pupils.
Im
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I'm
 hardly
belive
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believe
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that is
 not
nessecary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to have your cell phone
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
study
 time, maybe schools need to make a new rule, that forbids any phones in
a
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apply
show examples
school
. And for the third problem that I described
previosly
Correct your spelling
previously
, we can help teachers with
a special professional summits
Correct the article-noun agreement
a special professional summit
special professional summits
show examples
, where they can learn how to talk
interesting
Change preposition
about interesting
show examples
on
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apply
show examples
a lessons
Correct the article-noun agreement
lessons
a lesson
show examples
. In conclusion, I would like to say that there
is
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are
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 no unsolving problems if you pay attention to them. If we can do
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 simple rules –
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 will concentrate more on
a
Change the word
their
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
instead
 of talking with their friends or playing on
a cell phones
Correct the article-noun agreement
a cell phone
cell phones
show examples
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Task Achievement
Ensure you address the specific topic asked in the question. In this case, the focus should be on illiteracy, its causes, and solutions, which was not covered in your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that directly respond to the exam question.
Coherence & Cohesion
Provide clear main points in each body paragraph, supported by specific examples or evidence related to the topic of illiteracy.
Task Achievement
Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, followed by an explanation, and if possible, an example to illustrate your point.
Coherence & Cohesion
Write a more focused conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position relative to the causes and solutions for illiteracy.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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