IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Air pollution is the most important concern of many countries. What are the main causes and effects of this issue?

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In today's world
pollution
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 of
air
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 is one of the greatest issues in the environment.
This
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 essay will discuss both possible causes and consequences of the problem.
To begin
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 with, the foremost causes of
air
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pollution
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 are carbon dioxide emissions released by factories and
forest
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fires
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. To elaborate, as the economy is burgeoning, it paves the way for more
pollution
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.
For instance
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, the most popular factories in the world have a larger contribution to
air
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pollution
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.
Furthermore
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, the increasing number of cars negatively affects the rate of carbon emissions in the
air
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. The other ground for the issue is a lack of human responsibility,
as well as
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 natural disasters.
Forest
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fires
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 deteriorate
air
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 quality in the atmosphere by virtue of burning fossil fuels and emissions. When humans go camping in the
forest
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, they do not pay attention to
fires
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 they burn and leave the
forest
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 which results in
forest
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fires
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. Natural disasters,
such
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 as thunder, and lightning
also
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 cause
air
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pollution
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. With regard to consequences,
air
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pollution
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 has adverse effects on the environment. It can lead to the disruption of ecological balance and the extinction of species.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 the growth of carbon dioxide and other toxic substances, the quality of
air
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 exacerbates
day
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 by
day
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. So, it results in an ecological imbalance in the atmosphere. The second point to consider is the depletion of flora and fauna.
Air
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pollution
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 has a detrimental impact on the lives of both animals and plants.
In other words
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, it increases the risk of extinction because of poor life conditions.
Therefore
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, the
pollution
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 of the
air
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 paves the way for the loss of living creatures.
To sum up
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, nowadays the world faces
air
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pollution
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 very often and the effects of
this
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 problem become extensive
day
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 by
day
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.

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. While general examples are provided, incorporating detailed real-world instances will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has strong logical structure and presents ideas coherently. To improve further, consider enhancing the connection between paragraphs by using a wider range of linking phrases. This will aid in creating a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
To better support your main points, elaborate on your arguments by providing additional evidence or explanations. This could involve statistics, studies, or more detailed examples, which will add depth to your essay and persuade the reader more effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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