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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents buy their children a lot of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for children who have a lot of toys?

Nowadays many
parents
Use synonyms
 give their
children
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 excessive
toys
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, in
this
Linking Words
 essay I will describe the advantages and disadvantages for
children
Use synonyms
 who have many
toys
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. Surely all
parents
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 love their
children
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,
with
Correct word choice
and with
show examples
this
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 love they are willing to give their
children
Use synonyms
 many
toys
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, whether it is to please their
children
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 or help their
children
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn. I think
this
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 is very okay to do by
parents
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 out there but it must be with supervision. I think the advantage of giving
children
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 a lot of
toys
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 is that
children
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 can explore the various shapes and textures of their
toys
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.
Like there
Change preposition
There
show examples
 are
toys
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 that have a soft texture when held and some are hard.
This
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 allows
children
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 to recognize and learn various textures. There are
also
Linking Words
toys
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 that are round, triangular, or square.
This
Linking Words
 can make
children
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 learn about various shapes. And there are
also
Linking Words
lego
Capitalize word
Lego
show examples
toys
Use synonyms
, which make
children
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 have to think critically in order to put together various pieces of
lego
Capitalize word
Lego
show examples
 to form a building. From the many advantages that are given when
children
Use synonyms
 have many
toys
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, there are
also
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 many disadvantages that can be obtained if
children
Use synonyms
 have many
toys
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 are comfortable with their
toys
Use synonyms
, they no longer want to go outside to play with their friends.
This
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 can make
children
Use synonyms
 become unsociable and anti-social. Where
this
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 will be very detrimental to the child as an adult.
Therefore
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, it is better to give
children
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toys
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 that are not too excessive and
according to
Linking Words
 their portion is the best choice that
parents
Use synonyms
 can choose

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that you address both parts of the task fully. Here, you could expand more specifically on the disadvantages to provide a more balanced response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Provide more distinct and clear topic sentences for each body paragraph to improve the logical structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and enhance the flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific examples to support your main points, which helps to make your arguments more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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