IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their studies as well as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solutions could you suggest?

#students #work #whilst #college #university #results #time #studies #pressure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Increasingly,
students
 are having to
work
 whilst studying, meaning they are unable to focus fully on their learning. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
this
 rising problem and suggest solutions.
Firstly
, I will explore the financial implications for
students
 needing to find employment whilst studying, and
secondly
, I will discuss how
work
experience
 may influence their decision to
work
. It is true that education can be very expensive for
students
 needing
further
 studies.
As a result
 of needing money for student finance and living expenses, many undergraduates need to find
work
. One solution to
this
 problem could be local governments funding
students
 with free grants and subsidized accommodation.
As a result
 of
this
 added support,
students
 would feel less stressed and worried about needing to finance their learning and studying, which may
also
 lead to higher scores in their studies. Another cause for
students
 to
work
 whilst attending academic institutions is to gain real-life
work
experience
 to help find employment post-study.
Consequently
, many
students
 are concentrating on finding the desired
work
experience
 and not focusing their energies on studies and learning. One suggested solution to
this
 issue could be to offer more sandwich courses, which include an amount of in-house working
experience
.
This
 would have a beneficial impact on student attainment as learners could focus on their courses at all times. In conclusion, we can see that
this
 is a difficult issue for people wanting to study, as the need to
work
 is obviously high, with many different reasons for needing employment.
Submitted by ferdakerim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Make sure your introduction sets the context for the question and clearly states what the essay will discuss.
Body Paragraphs
Develop your main points with more specific examples to support the causes and solutions you are presenting.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, fully address all parts of the task by giving equal attention to the causes and solutions as well as making sure that they are directly linked to the question.
Conclusion
Expand the conclusion to clearly summarize the main points of the essay and ensure it reflects on the implications or importance of the issues and solutions discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: