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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words. What implications do the indicators have for the countries?

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words. What implications do the indicators have for the countries?
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The given figure shows the 4 different aspects of social and economic for 4 nations in 1994 based on statistics
of
Change preposition
from
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United
Correct article usage
the United
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Nation
Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly that
Use synonyms
Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
show examples
 and
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Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
citizens
Use synonyms
 had better
standar
Correct your spelling
standards
 of living and
other aspect
Change the wording
another aspect
other aspects
show examples
 rather than the
citizens
Use synonyms
 of
Peru
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 and
Zaire
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. As the table
showed
Wrong verb form
shows
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, the yearly revenue of the
citizens
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 of
Japan
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 and
Canada
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 much higher than the other country with 15670 and 11100 USD per
person
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 respectively,
while
Linking Words
 the
citizens
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Use synonyms
Peru
Change preposition
of Peru
show examples
 and
Zaire
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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only had 260 and 130 USD per
person
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 respectively.
Further
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Japan
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 and
Canada
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 had 78% and 76% consecutively in life expectancy at birth
where
Correct word choice
whereas
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 it was only 68% and 34% in
Peru
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 and
Zaire
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consecutively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. As it showed
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the table
also
Linking Words
, the percentage of adult literacy rate in
Japan
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 and
Canada
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 share the same which is at 99% meanwhile in
Peru
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 was at 68% and
Zaire
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 was half of
Peru
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. In
additional
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addition
show examples
,
Japan
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 and
Canada
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 had plenty supply of daily calories per
person
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 which around 3000 calories
while
Linking Words
Peru
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 and
Zaire
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 had less than 2000 daily calories per
person
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, japan, citizens, peru, zaire, person with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indicators
  • population
  • GDP per capita
  • life expectancy
  • literacy rate
  • infant mortality rate
  • prosperous
  • less developed
  • level of education
  • healthcare
  • improvements
  • services
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