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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words. What implications do the indicators have for the countries? You should write at least 150 words.

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words. What implications do the indicators have for the countries? You should write at least 150 words.
#indicators #four #countries #nations #statistics #information #implications
The given figure shows the 4 different aspects of social and economic for 4 nations in 1994 based on statistics
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Nation
Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
show examples
.
Overall
, it can be seen clearly that
Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
show examples
 and
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
citizens
 had better
standar
Correct your spelling
standards
 of living and
other aspect
Change the wording
another aspect
other aspects
show examples
 rather than the
citizens
 of
Peru
 and
Zaire
. As the table
showed
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
, the yearly revenue of the
citizens
 of
Japan
 and
Canada
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 much higher than the other country with 15670 and 11100 USD per
person
 respectively,
while
 the
citizens
Peru
Change preposition
of Peru
show examples
 and
Zaire
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only had 260 and 130 USD per
person
 respectively.
Further
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Japan
 and
Canada
 had 78% and 76% consecutively in life expectancy at birth
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 it was only 68% and 34% in
Peru
 and
Zaire
consecutively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. As it showed
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the table
also
, the percentage of adult literacy rate in
Japan
 and
Canada
 share the same which is at 99% meanwhile in
Peru
 was at 68% and
Zaire
 was half of
Peru
. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
,
Japan
 and
Canada
 had plenty supply of daily calories per
person
 which around 3000 calories
while
Peru
 and
Zaire
 had less than 2000 daily calories per
person
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, japan, citizens, peru, zaire, person with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indicators
  • population
  • GDP per capita
  • life expectancy
  • literacy rate
  • infant mortality rate
  • prosperous
  • less developed
  • level of education
  • healthcare
  • improvements
  • services
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