IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart gives information about entertainment venues and their admissions in 2009

the chart gives information about entertainment venues and their admissions in 2009
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The bar chart and table provided illustrate data sets regarding entertainment venues' admissions in the year 2009. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that most
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
 amusement venues are cinemas,
whereas
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports events
showing
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite trend.
However
Linking Words
, football games are the most expensive for both single and family tickets,
while
Linking Words
 the cinema is the most affordable event. In detail, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 cinema admissions in 2009 was above 1000 thousand, followed by theme parks with a significantly lower number of below 400 thousand, and sports with under 200 thousand.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, football matches, specifically AFL, NRL, and NRU, hold the most expensive tickets
range
Replace the word
ranging
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 71 to 75
dollars
Use synonyms
 for
solo
Correct article usage
a solo
show examples
 and 280 to 298
dollars
Use synonyms
 for a family ticket, which
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
 4 tickets.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the theme park fees are vaguely comparable to footballs but
offered
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
 a much
economical
Correct quantifier usage
more economical
show examples
 option for a bundled ticket (210
dollars
Use synonyms
).
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 basketball and cricket games cost noticeably higher fees, the cinema ticket's worth is just about 15
dollars
Use synonyms
 for singular and 55
dollars
Use synonyms
 for a family package.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dollars with synonyms.
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