Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them
Nowadays, with
development
of parenting Correct article usage
the development
method
, some people argue that it is imperative for Fix the agreement mistake
methods
children
to decide everyday matters by
their own Change preposition
on
while
others argue it will bring
a negative impact Verb problem
have
to
society as they will become selfish individuals. The following essay will discuss both points of view and present my perspective.
On the one hand, giving a lot of freedom for Change preposition
on
children
to decide on their own can bring several negative impact
to Change to a plural noun
impacts
the
society because Correct article usage
apply
children
is
not fully developed mentally. Change the verb form
are
First,
it will cause a society full of selfish people as they care only about themselves. This
is because children
cannot think clearly and critically about the outcomes of their decision
compared to adults. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
For example
, children
like to eat sugary food without thinking too much about the negative consequences
to their health. In addition
, children
is
not prepared to take the Change the verb form
are
consequences
of their action
if Fix the agreement mistake
actions
it
cause bad Correct pronoun usage
they
consequences
to other people.
On the other hand
, children
who learn to make decisions on their own can get several benefit
. By trying to make decisions that affect them in their daily life, Change to a plural noun
benefits
children
learn to be independent. This
trait makes them learning
to take responsibility Wrong verb form
learn
of
their action. Change preposition
for
Furthermore
, it
the long run, they can learn from their mistake and improve their judgement.
Correct your spelling
in
To sum up
, giving children
freedom
to take Add an article
the freedom
decision
into Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
their
account can bring positive and negative Correct pronoun usage
apply
consequences
to their development. Personally, I believe that children
should be accompanied by their parent
when making important Fix the agreement mistake
parents
decision
and limit their freedom to some extent.Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
Submitted by periset on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that each idea is elaborated with enough detail or examples to fully develop the point.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices such as linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively. This will make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task. While you covered both views on the topic, the essay would benefit from clearer personal arguments supported by specific examples.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points, which will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive
task achievement
Review the essay to eliminate minor grammatical errors for a more polished and professional presentation.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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