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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
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Nowadays, with
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of parenting
method
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methods
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, some people argue that it is imperative for
children
 to decide everyday matters
by
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on
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 their own
while
 others argue it will
bring
Verb problem
have
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 a negative impact
to
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on
show examples
 society as they will become selfish individuals. The following essay will discuss both points of view and present my perspective. On the one hand, giving a lot of freedom for
children
 to decide on their own can bring several negative
impact
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impacts
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society because
children
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not fully developed mentally.
First,
it will cause a society full of selfish people as they care only about themselves.
This
 is because
children
 cannot think clearly and critically about the outcomes of their
decision
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decisions
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 compared to adults.
For example
,
children
 like to eat sugary food without thinking too much about the negative
consequences
 to their health.
In addition
,
children
is
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are
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 not prepared to take the
consequences
 of their
action
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actions
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 if
it
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they
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 cause bad
consequences
 to other people.
On the other hand
,
children
 who learn to make decisions on their own can get several
benefit
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benefits
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. By trying to make decisions that affect them in their daily life,
children
 learn to be independent.
This
 trait makes them
learning
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learn
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 to take responsibility
of
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for
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 their action.
Furthermore
,
it
Correct your spelling
in
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 the long run, they can learn from their mistake and improve their judgement.
To sum up
, giving
children
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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 to take
decision
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decisions
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 into
their
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apply
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account can bring positive and negative
consequences
 to their development. Personally, I believe that
children
 should be accompanied by their
parent
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parents
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 when making important
decision
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decisions
show examples
 and limit their freedom to some extent.
Submitted by periset on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that each idea is elaborated with enough detail or examples to fully develop the point.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices such as linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively. This will make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task. While you covered both views on the topic, the essay would benefit from clearer personal arguments supported by specific examples.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points, which will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive
task achievement
Review the essay to eliminate minor grammatical errors for a more polished and professional presentation.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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