IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threating issues such as global warming. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#government #amount #money
In our contemporary time Global warming is one of the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
problems
 which has caused serious
issues
 for
people
 and biodiversity around the world. Governments have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to address
this
problem
 by spending large sums of
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
 budget on global warming which threatens human
well- being
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 on the earth,
instead
 of
allocate
Change the verb form
allocating
show examples
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 national environmental
problems
. I disagree with
this
 statement and I will explain the
problems
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 from domestic environmental
issues
.
To begin
 with, national environmental
problems
 have
knock on
Add a hyphen
knock-on
show examples
 effects on the
ecology- related
Correct your spelling
ecology-related
show examples
 global warming
issues
. To be clear, global warming has emerged
as a result
 of
air
pollution
 in densely populated cities. In recent years there has been an increase in the number of cars and vehicles in most countries which has led to releasing excessive car exhaust fumes and greenhouse gases into the
air
.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 addressing national environmental challenges makes a vital contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming.
Moreover
,
air
pollution
 in some areas gives rise to respiratory
problems
 for human-
being
Replace the word
beings
show examples
 and most of them are suffering from lung diseases and different cancers.
Therefore
, every government should tackle
this
problem
 by implementing green policies in order to reduce the amount of
pollution
 in the long term.
Furthermore
, another
problem
 is
water
pollution
 which requires immediate action since plenty of
people
 around the world do not have access to clean
water
. Pesticides, fertilizers and animal waste seep into the soil and
then
 into
ground
Correct your spelling
groundwater
show examples
water
, rendering it unsafe for human consumption. When heavy metals and nitrate fertilizers get into drinking
water
 supplies, they can cause cancer and disrupt our hormones.
Therefore
, the government should combat
this
problem
 and provide
reliable
Add an article
a reliable
show examples
 supply of
water
 to human
settlement
Fix the agreement mistake
settlements
show examples
. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, domestic environmental
problems
 including
air
pollution
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 urgent measures since it has
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 effects on global warming.
Besides
water
pollution
 can be hazardous for
people
 and cause
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
issues
 for
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 especially vulnerable
people
 like
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 and children.
Submitted by reyhaneh.darash on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your stance and briefly outlines the main points you will discuss. Your conclusion should succinctly summarize your argument and restate your position. Always relate your conclusion directly back to the content of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on creating a logical flow of ideas. Link your sentences and paragraphs smoothly with a variety of cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'therefore'. Avoid repeating the same transitions.
Supporting Details
Your supporting points should be developed further. Aim to include more specific examples and data to reinforce your arguments. This lends credibility to your essay and brings clarity to your position on the topic.
Task Response
To achieve a higher task response score, it's important to address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Present a balanced perspective by considering both sides of the argument, whether you're agreeing or disagreeing with the statement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urgent issues
  • global warming
  • local environmental problems
  • funding
  • redirecting funds
  • broader environmental health
  • financial efficiency
  • return on investment
  • cost-effective
  • holistic approach
  • moral and ethical considerations
  • resource allocation
  • long-term consequences
  • short-term impacts
  • competing environmental concerns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: