IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threating issues such as global warming. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#government #amount #money
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In our contemporary time Global warming is one of the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
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problems
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 which has caused serious
issues
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 for
people
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 and biodiversity around the world. Governments have
responsibility
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a responsibility
the responsibility
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 to address
this
Linking Words
problem
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 by spending large sums of
national
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the national
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 budget on global warming which threatens human
well- being
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well-being
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 on the earth,
instead
Linking Words
 of
allocate
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allocating
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budget
Correct article usage
the budget
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on
Change preposition
to
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 national environmental
problems
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. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will explain the
problems
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result
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 from domestic environmental
issues
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, national environmental
problems
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 have
knock on
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knock-on
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 effects on the
ecology- related
Correct your spelling
ecology-related
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 global warming
issues
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. To be clear, global warming has emerged
as a result
Linking Words
 of
air
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pollution
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 in densely populated cities. In recent years there has been an increase in the number of cars and vehicles in most countries which has led to releasing excessive car exhaust fumes and greenhouse gases into the
air
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.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 addressing national environmental challenges makes a vital contribution
in
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to
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 reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global warming.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
air
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pollution
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 in some areas gives rise to respiratory
problems
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 for human-
being
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beings
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 and most of them are suffering from lung diseases and different cancers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, every government should tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
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 by implementing green policies in order to reduce the amount of
pollution
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 in the long term.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another
problem
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 is
water
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pollution
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 which requires immediate action since plenty of
people
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 around the world do not have access to clean
water
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. Pesticides, fertilizers and animal waste seep into the soil and
then
Linking Words
 into
ground
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groundwater
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water
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, rendering it unsafe for human consumption. When heavy metals and nitrate fertilizers get into drinking
water
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 supplies, they can cause cancer and disrupt our hormones.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should combat
this
Linking Words
problem
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 and provide
reliable
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a reliable
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 supply of
water
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 to human
settlement
Fix the agreement mistake
settlements
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. In
conclude
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conclusion
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, domestic environmental
problems
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 including
air
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pollution
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needs
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need
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 urgent measures since it has
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 effects on global warming.
Besides
Linking Words
water
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pollution
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 can be hazardous for
people
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 and cause
health related
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health-related
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issues
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 for
every one
Replace the word
everyone
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 especially vulnerable
people
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 like
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 and children.
Submitted by reyhaneh.darash on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your stance and briefly outlines the main points you will discuss. Your conclusion should succinctly summarize your argument and restate your position. Always relate your conclusion directly back to the content of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on creating a logical flow of ideas. Link your sentences and paragraphs smoothly with a variety of cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'therefore'. Avoid repeating the same transitions.
Supporting Details
Your supporting points should be developed further. Aim to include more specific examples and data to reinforce your arguments. This lends credibility to your essay and brings clarity to your position on the topic.
Task Response
To achieve a higher task response score, it's important to address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Present a balanced perspective by considering both sides of the argument, whether you're agreeing or disagreeing with the statement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urgent issues
  • global warming
  • local environmental problems
  • funding
  • redirecting funds
  • broader environmental health
  • financial efficiency
  • return on investment
  • cost-effective
  • holistic approach
  • moral and ethical considerations
  • resource allocation
  • long-term consequences
  • short-term impacts
  • competing environmental concerns
What to do next:
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