IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others belive that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Whilst some people argue that it is important to share experience and information in many spheres as they are beneficial for the development of humanity, others and I firmly believe that in some situations it is better to keep them secret.
This
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 essay will examine both views in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, sharing info is beneficial for both sides because the receiver can improve the investigation and use it freely.
Moreover
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,
this
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 is obviously a positive trend for humanity
due to
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 the advanced life quality because of the upgraded medicine or new drugs.
For example
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, in the 20th century, the Ospa virus, which caused the death of thousands of people, was beaten since Russia shared the new treatment method.
Hence
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 it is essential to discuss, publicise and trade the information between countries.
However
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, sometimes sharing really significant scientific advancements can be not only unnecessary but
also
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 dangerous. These situations are mostly connected with economic and military experience
such
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 as the development of new tactics or weapons. To illustrate, in 1945 Oppenheimer illustrated the first nuclear bomb,
however
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, the construction of
this
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 weapon was not published because of the potential danger.
Therefore
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, some information should never be shared with others
due to
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 the risks.
To conclude
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,
it is clear that
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 the experience and other significant achievements in many fields should be shared with other nations as they are able to change the world positively.
Nevertheless
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, despite
this
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 fact, in certain situations, it is better to keep the data in secret to be safe.

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improvement
The introduction is clear, but consider providing a more balanced view on both perspectives in the introductory statement.
improvement
Make sure to clearly label or refer back to the main points in your paragraphs to enhance the coherence of your arguments.
improvement
In the examples provided, ensure they are directly related to the point made and elaborated more for clarity on their relevance.
strength
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and clearly states your opinion.
strength
The use of examples, such as the Ospa virus and the nuclear bomb, effectively illustrates your points about the importance of sharing and the potential risks involved.
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