Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Few people argue that
phones
usage at school should be restricted Change the noun form
phone
while
some others believe that students
should be allowed to utilize their mobile phones
. Personally, I completely agree with the first statement because bringing phones
to schools can affect the children's concentration and social interaction.
On the one hand, phones
can be extremely useful, especially in today's climate where internet
has become an Add an article
the internet
unvoidable
part of our daily life. Young pupils can Correct your spelling
unavoidable
use
their handphones to find study materials that are not available on
the textbooks. Change preposition
in
This
is going to be beneficial for both the teachers and students
because the internet encompasses diverse subjects that will add more knowledge for its users. For instance
, back then
when I was in high school, we had to learn about the history of movie theaters and arts. Thruthfully
, it was quite hard to find the topics Correct your spelling
Truthfully
on
physical books. Change preposition
in
Hence
, the teachers permitted us to use
gadgets and there were an abundance of magazines and articles that were very helpful for our homework.
On the other hand
, it is very understandable why many people support to banned
Wrong verb form
banning
phones
as they can affect concentration and social life. Firstly
, phones
can really affect young children's attention as many of them use
phones
for wrong
purposes like Correct article usage
the wrong
to play
games, Change the verb form
playing
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
on
Change preposition
during
the
break time or even in the classroom when they supposedly need to pay full attention to the lecturers. Correct article usage
apply
Additionally
, games are very addicting and it tends to be very difficult to stop playing it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Consequently
, they will waste their time on
playing games rather than talking to their Change preposition
apply
school mates
. Correct your spelling
schoolmates
This
is then
proven by recent
report from Del Primary Academy that shows about 68% of its Add an article
a recent
the recent
students
are
no longer like to do physical activities with their friends and prefer to Unnecessary verb
apply
use
social media at rest time.
To conclude
, even though phones
can be helpful to add more knowledge, the possible drawbacks are worse as it
can disturb Correct pronoun usage
they
students
' concentration and social roles. That is
why I agree to ban phones
from schools.Submitted by elissa223 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to develop a clear logical structure for your arguments to improve the coherence of your essay. Having a solid introduction and clear concluding statements is a good approach, but ensure that all ideas flow seamlessly from one to the next with appropriate linking words and phrases.
task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, aim for a fully-explicit argument that covers all aspects of the topic. While you've discussed both views and included examples, ensure that you maintain focus on the question without straying into less relevant areas.
task achievement
Your essay presents relevant specific examples which is good. To improve, think about how these examples are integrated into your argument. Link them back more explicitly to the main point to strengthen the impact of your examples on your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying sentence structures and ensure paragraphing is clear and logical. While you have good coherence, the use of cohesive devices like synonyms, pronouns, and conjunctions could be more sophisticated and varied.