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Band 6

Some people claim there are different ways of saving energy (electricity and gas), such as using energy for shorter periods of time in the workplace and not using electricity/gas one day a week. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.

#people #energy #electricity #gas #periods #time #workplace #week
The role of
energy
 is formed primarily as electricity and gas, which play an essential part
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our daily lives. It has sparked heated controversies that some people claim we can use
energy
 for shorter periods of time in order to save
energy
 and go toward
energy
 sustainability. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
 viewpoint, I will highlight
opinions
Correct pronoun usage
my opinions
show examples
 below. On the one hand, regarding working and shifting, people have their work differently at multiple times, so we can not cut off the electricity in certain areas.
First,
people try to earn money as they work as hard as possible
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 governments are unable to intervene by turning off
energy
 in their workplace.
Therefore
, it is hard to execute new policies about
energy
 which affect citizens' lives.
Second,
a nation's net export depends on its ability to draw in foreigners.
For instance
, the authorities use light and electricity for decoration in an attempt to attract travellers.
As a result
, light pollution or wasting
energy
 is a key issue for every state which we have to deal with.
On the other hand
, saving
energy
 by
time using
Add a hyphen
time-using
show examples
 restrictions is reasonable.To ensure continuous
energy
 conservation, governments must designate a specific day for these initiatives.
Furthermore
, as we can see, a bunch of high-rise buildings still use light outside for decorating and highlighting even though workers are not inside. The authority takes that action in order to preserve the building as a unique structure and to enhance the beauty and vibrancy of the cityscape.
As a consequence
, governments should execute policies about
this
 issue and struggle to promote saving
energy
 campaigns in these high-rise buildings.Regardless of how big or small, we can at least take action to preserve the environment for future generations and save
energy
. In conclusion, even though cutting off
energy
 creates chaos for some parties, I am of the opinion that we should protect these natural resources for ourselves and the next generation.
Submitted by okookk123456 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to refine your organization of ideas by clearly dividing your points into separate paragraphs. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are clearly connected to your main points and help to illustrate them suitably. It may sometimes help to provide more specific and varied examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction presents the topic clearly and sets up the discussion effectively, leading to a focused argument.
task achievement
You provide a balanced viewpoint by discussing both sides of the argument before giving your perspective, which enhances the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • energy consumption
  • renewable energy sources
  • energy efficiency
  • carbon footprint
  • sustainability
  • energy conservation
  • time-restricted energy usage
  • energy-free days
  • energy-saving strategies
  • behavioral change
  • workplace productivity
  • financial incentives
  • environmental impact
  • energy management
  • conscious energy usage
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