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Band 8

It is more important for school children to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #children #history #world
The debate surrounding the inclusion of national versus global
history
 in educational curricula is a multifaceted one. I advocate for a balanced curriculum that encompasses both local and international historical narratives. Primarily, the significance of national
history
 cannot be overstated; it is the bedrock of a
nation’s
 identity. An in-depth understanding of local
history
 can foster a profound sense of patriotism and national pride among
students
. Take,
for instance
, the youth of Vietnam. By delving into the valiant struggles endured by their forebears for national sovereignty, they are likely to cultivate a fervent patriotic spirit and a commitment to contribute to the
nation’s
 progress.
Conversely
, an exclusive focus on national
history
 may lead to a myopic worldview. A comprehensive study of global
history
 enables
students
 to place their
nation’s
 narrative within a wider context, promoting a balanced and informed perspective.
For example
, Vietnamese
students
 exposed to the intricate geopolitical dynamics and international influences shaping their
history
 are better equipped to form a nuanced understanding, rather than a constricted interpretation of their
nation’s
 past.
Furthermore
, familiarity with the historical journeys of other nations fosters cultural empathy and acceptance of diverse beliefs, practices, and governance systems.
This
 global awareness is invaluable, particularly as
students
 enter increasingly international professional spheres, where cultural sensitivity and adaptability are paramount. In summation,
while
 the teaching of national
history
 is undeniably important, it is imperative to integrate a global historical perspective.
This
 approach not only enriches
students
’ comprehension of their own heritage but
also
 prepares them to navigate and appreciate the complexities of our interconnected world.
Submitted by weezel on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Add more examples to strengthen your argument further and illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is exemplary, with smooth transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a coherent entry and exit to your argument.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like the reference to Vietnamese students, enriches your arguments and makes them more persuasive.
task achievement
You completely address the task, presenting a balanced view with clear and comprehensive ideas about both local and global history.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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