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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

4.An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #outweigh
A common trend frequently around a rise in
people
 using the internet to buy which has the snag may
cost
money
 when returning
goods
 was outweighed by cutting down the infectious
diseases
as well as
 feeling free when comparing the costs of
products
. One of the considerable advantages is the decline in infectious
diseases
. To explain it
further
, by using social internet to buy,
people
 do not need to have face-to-face, and from that many infectious
diseases
such
 as Covid-19 reduced dramatically. Taking China as a specific example, when SARS-CoV-2 occurred, most companies needed to close so they turned to selling online, and from that the infection went down considerably.
As a result
, infectious
diseases
 can be controlled by buying online. Another fundamental benefit is freedom comparing the costs of
goods
. To put it simply, online shops always show the price tag of
products
 publicly so that customers can compare the costs in different shops to find a suitable price for themselves.
As a consequence
, customers do not need to shy away when comparing the prices in different boutiques.
Nevertheless
, increasing online shopping may
cost
money
 when returning
goods
.
In other words
, some
products
 may not be as good as
people
 imagined so they choose to return
products
 which may cause the
cost
 of transport.
However
, today some online boutiques have changed to a new strategy that customers can return the
goods
 at zero
cost
 within 2 or 3 days with the fault from the shop and transport.
Hence
, shopping online may
cost
money
 when returning
products
 but it does not exist at all. In conclusion, the drop in infectious
diseases
along with
 freedom when comparing the price outweighs the drawback is wasting
money
 to return
products
.
Thus
,
people
 should buy what they need online.
Submitted by  11E4 Community on

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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and includes a thesis statement that outlines the main advantages and the disadvantages you will discuss. This helps to make your point of view clear from the beginning.
Paragraph Structure
Improve paragraph structure by starting each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Follow this with supporting details and examples that directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping.
Linking Words and Phrases
To enhance coherence, connect your ideas more smoothly using a range of linking words and phrases. This will help in creating a more cohesive argument that flows logically from one point to the next.
Balanced Discussion
For a higher task achievement score, ensure that you address both sides of the argument thoroughly, providing balanced coverage of both advantages and disadvantages, and clearly stating if one side is stronger.
Specific Examples
Include more specific and detailed examples to support your points. Personal experiences or widely recognized facts can be powerful tools in illustrating your arguments and enhancing task achievement.
Conclusion
Ensure that your conclusion wraps up the essay effectively by summarizing the main points of argument and restating your viewpoint, making clear whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • lack of physical interaction
  • try or test products
  • potential for fraud or scams
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