IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #advertisements #products #lives
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There is a long time argurement on weather advertisements beneficial to our lives. Some
people
 belive it encourages
people
 to
purchase
 unnesserary goods,
while
 others think they increase our knowledge of new
product
 that improve our
quality
 of living. I hold an opinion of advertising will enlarge the chance of
people
 buying unuseful
items
. The more time
people
 see the specific
advertisement
, the more they are tempted to get the
items
. Most of the social media company nowaday
such
 as Facabook and Instagram using
this
 phycology theory to attract individuals
purchase
 their promoted goods. Once the company paid the
advertisement
 fee, social media will make the promotion appear from everyone thread multiple times per day, which increase the chance of them clicking into their website.
In addition
, the development of technology increase the opportunity of implusive
purchase
 by introducing fast check out feature.
People
 ended up getting the
items
 they do not require.
Furthermore
, goods promote on
advertisement
 do not mean they are better than other products on the market as TV or social media only promote
items
 from companies who is willing to pay adversisement fee regardless of the
quality
 of
product
.
For example
, most of the merchans prefer hiring youtuber/ ticktok influencer to promote their
product
 as teenager is easy to influence by social trends.
However
, products promoted on these platform are normally low
quality
 and do not improve
people
 lives.
Advertisement
 are using psycology to encourge
people
 to get certains
items
 with no guarantee of the
quality
 of the
product
, and may encourage
people
 to get the
items
 they do not need. I belive undertaking research and comparison between products is a much better way to
purchase
 an
items
 compare with following
advertisement
.
Submitted by jennygo64 on

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task response
Ensure your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and briefly mentions the points that you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Increase the variety of linking words to improve the flow of information between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
For better task achievement, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reiterates your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors by proofreading your essay. This will also help in enhancing the clarity of your ideas.
task response
Use more specific and vivid examples to support your main points, making your arguments more persuasive and interesting.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
What to do next:
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