IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that first aid training for young people should be compulsory to be taught at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #first #aid #school
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In the past years, there has been lots of news about
accidents
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, ranging from minor ones to the ones that led to death. There is a school of thought that
first
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aid
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 training for young
people
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 should be mandatory to be taught at school to minimize
accidents
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 from happening.
This
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 essay will argue why it is important for young
people
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 to be educated regarding
this
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 matter. One reason why
first
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aid
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 training should be taught at school is to quickly handle a situation if there is an accident. Even though
accidents
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 can not be controlled and sometimes can result in something very bad, it is still better to prepare beforehand to prevent worse cases from happening. There was an incident when a student fell into the basketball course without any teacher’s supervision, but fortunately, she was not severely injured because one of the students knew how to handle her wound. It is worth pointing out that
first
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aid
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 training should be mandatory for young
people
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 to be independent and not solely depend on other
people
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. Nowadays, young
people
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 are used to having everything done for them.
Although
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 it is great for them, they need to learn to protect themselves and not always find other
people
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 to solve their problems for them. There is a possibility that young
people
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 can learn the importance of knowing how to treat their own wounds and not depending on other
people
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. In conclusion, it is important for
first
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aid
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 training to be mandatory at schools for the sake of each person’s life.
Therefore
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, to prevent any
accidents
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 from happening, students should learn the correct way to protect themselves as they grow older.
Submitted by audreynikkijoe on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, making a compelling argument for the necessity of first aid training for young people. However, providing further specific examples and evidence could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth, which helps maintain the flow of the essay. However, some ideas within paragraphs could be better connected for improved cohesion.
structure
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, creating a well-defined framework that helps the reader understand the writer’s position.
coherence
Main points are well-supported and logically structured, ensuring that the essay addresses the question comprehensively.
task achievement
The examples provided, like the basketball court incident, add relevance and specificity to the argument, bolstering the essay's effectiveness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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