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Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
Some have argued that in time of awful stage of
life
, acceptance is the best reaction.
However
, opponents of
this
, myself included, idea believe that the best way to encounter challenges is through effort and hard work. Those who support the idea of sitting put and living with the fact of dissatisfactions of
life
 mention the sense of
relif
Correct your spelling
relief
 and calmness, as the individuals do not tend to change their situation.
thus
, the stress and anxiety of being a worrier in order to overcome tasks ranging from long hours of work to taking risks and abandoning their job would be meaningless to them.
For example
, a low-income employee prefers to save his career because of revenue
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
,
however
,
this
 approach will help him to have a
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
 lifestyle and enjoy other aspects of
life
such
 as hobbies and relationships. Supporters of the effort state the
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 and achievement it brings for individuals because they will put in a lot of energy and take risks like leaving their jobs and starting their own businesses.
Therefore
,
this
 results in a feeling of having control over their lives and feeling more confident, leading to higher levels of prosperity. Consider the founder of Coca-Cola, who was devastated and poor but after a few years of constant trying and advertising, he became so famous all of wich it produced one of the best bereavement around the world. In conclusion,
although
 the job and monetary difficulties may be acceptable for some, others try to achieve better results in their
life
, in my opinion, the willingness to change the situation always has a beneficial income for those who prefer the advantage of
life
.
Submitted by soltaninejad_sahel on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response with a relevant conclusion that summarizes your opinion. To improve the score, focus on developing a stronger logical structure by introducing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Ensure that each main point is expanded with more detailed explanations or examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and presented a response that is relevant to the topic. To enhance your score further in task achievement, ensure that your ideas are fully extended and supported by specific examples. You can do this by adding more concrete, real-world examples, statistics, or personal experiences that directly support your main points and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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