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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
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In several regions, it is sometimes argued that governments should allocate funds to build new lines for the fast trains between the cities.
However
, other people believe that
instead
 of spending
money
 on establishing new railways, it is better to invest
this
money
 in improving the existing public
transportation
systems
.
While
 I understand the importance of improving the current public
transportation
systems
, I believe that building new lines would be a better idea for several reasons. On the one hand, it is perceived by some that working on the existing public transport
systems
 would be worth spending
money
instead
 of building a whole new system. In many countries, many public transport
systems
 are not functioning well at the moment,
thus
, devoting
money
 to fixing these facilities can be a good attitude.
Also
, in some rare cases, broken trains and buses can lead to a catastrophe,
for instance
, a couple of years ago in Iran, an old train derailed and two citizens died because of that.
Similarly
, sometimes, working on the existing
systems
 would be more practical and does not cost as much as building a new system.
Nonetheless
, working on new public
transportation
 facilities is more beneficial than improving the existing ones.
On the other hand
, many hold the opinion that allocating
money
 to build new
systems
 is a better idea.
Firstly
, in many parts of the countries, people use public
transportation
systems
 daily to reach their work or home, so, the number of subway trains and buses should be enough.
For instance
, in Tehran (the capital city of Iran) you have to wait at least half an hour in the morning to take the subway or the bus.
Secondly
, new
systems
 can be made with up-to-date methods and new technologies,
thus
, it is worth spending
money
 on new
systems
instead
 of improving the older ones.
Lastly
, as the population grows rapidly, building new
systems
 can be more useful in the future. In conclusion,
While
 I know the advantages of spending
money
 on improving the existing public transport
systems
, I believe allocating
this
money
 to constructing new
systems
 would be a better attitude.
Submitted by amir1375.6 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. For instance, link the second paragraph's argument for improving existing systems more smoothly to the third paragraph's advocacy for new systems. Transitions could enhance coherence.
task achievement
Increase the support for your main points with more specific examples or concrete data. For instance, detail the benefits of new railway systems by comparing them to existing successful models in other countries.
task achievement
Consider elaborating more on how new railway lines directly benefit people beyond just reducing wait times, such as environmental impacts or economic benefits. This will make your argument more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-structured conclusion which succinctly summarises your perspective on the issue.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, as each paragraph is focused on a specific argument or idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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