IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that is better to work alone and others think that is better to work in a team. Which do you prefer? Give reasons and details to support your opinion.

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Some people harbour a belief
that is
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 more efficient to
work
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 alone, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint that collaborative
work
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 is effective. Both perspectives are equally important and depend on an individual's personal characteristics and working styles. As an introvert, I am inclined to
work
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 alone and that brings me to concentrate on my
work
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. Personally, I think
workers
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 should strike a balance between self-working and collaborative
work
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 because the job forces them to
work
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 in a group in moderation.
Initially
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, one of the main arguments is the flavours of the way that worker individuals should select to
work
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 alone.
For instance
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, some influencers or home-
workers
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 come up the
ideas
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 and
work
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 alone without any help.
Workers
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 who are prone to
work
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 alone often research the information through the internet, articles, or by reading books.
This
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 way they can enhance their ability to focus on their
work
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 and avoid distractions from others in the middle of what they are thinking.
Furthermore
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, they can follow their own plan and
ideas
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 without arguing with various people as they effort in a team.
Besides
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, when working alone,
workers
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 can dedicate and express their best version of the
work
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. At the other end of the spectrum, collaborative working
is
Change the verb form
also plays
show examples
also
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 plays a vital role towards
workers
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 which helps them contact a vast of people.
Moreover
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,
workers
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also
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 receive numerous
ideas
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 from a different perspective that can broaden their horizons and enhances their logical thinking abilities. Indeed, having multiple decisions and
ideas
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also
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 being a good choice where the problem of works can be solved in different ways and widen the information.
Additionally
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, in spite of numerous information coming in,
however
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,
workers
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 can filter all of those
ideas
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 and nothing is more terrific than having opportunities to choose the best options.
To sum up
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, each way of working brings its own task and is unique depending on
workers
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' styles of
work
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 that makes them satisfied with their job.
However
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,
workers
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 are primarily responsible for their well-being at
work
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.

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Task Achievement
You've presented an essay that attempts to tackle both sides of the argument regarding individual versus collaborative work. However, the clear articulation of your personal preference (as required by the essay prompt) is not fully evident. The essay seems to waver between outlining the benefits of both working methods, without a strong and clear stance on which one you prefer. To improve task achievement, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated at the beginning and is reiterated in the conclusion, so that the reader is left with a strong understanding of your preference.
Coherence
Your essay contains multiple sentences and paragraphs that build upon each other, which is good. However, the flow of ideas could be improved. To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the following sentences support that topic. Transitions between sentences and ideas can also be improved; words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'indeed' can help, but they sometimes feel repetitive or are followed by an awkward sentence structure.
Cohesion
The essay tends to wobble between different ideas without adequately exploring each one. To bolster cohesion, work on developing your main points with clear, relevant examples and explanations that directly support the idea being discussed. Additionally, there's an occasional tendency to make generalized statements without backing them up with specific details, which can weaken the argument. By adding concrete examples, the essay's arguments would gain strength and relevance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • diverse skills
  • knowledge pooling
  • comprehensive solutions
  • task division
  • learning opportunities
  • support system
  • job satisfaction
  • communication skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • career growth
  • flexibility
  • problem-solving
  • perspectives
  • innovative solutions
  • emotional support
  • professional support
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