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Band 6.5

People, nowadays, are not as fit and active as they were in the past. What are the reasons for this? What measures can be taken for this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #measures
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In contemporary times, there has been a discernible decline in the
fitness
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 and physical activity levels of individuals when compared to previous generations.
This
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 shift can be attributed to a combination of factors that have altered the way people work and live. Addressing these issues necessitates a comprehensive approach that considers the impact of sedentary lifestyles, technological advancements, and changing dietary habits. One primary factor contributing to the decrease in physical activity is the evolving nature of employment. The prevalence of sedentary desk jobs has risen significantly, limiting opportunities for physical exertion during working hours.
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 transformation is
further
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 intensified by the influence of technology, with increased screen time and sedentary
behaviors
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behaviours
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 becoming commonplace. The result is a society where individuals spend more time sitting and less time engaging in the physical activities that were once integral to daily life.
In addition
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 to changes in the workplace, shifts in dietary habits have played a pivotal role in the decline of
overall
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fitness
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. The modern accessibility of processed and unhealthy foods has led to poor dietary choices, contributing to weight gain and a decrease in
overall
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 health. Fast food options, laden with fats and sugars, have become more prevalent,
further
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 exacerbating the challenge of maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
This
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 dual impact of sedentary work environments and poor dietary choices has created a scenario where individuals face increased health risks and reduced
fitness
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 levels. In conclusion, the decline in
fitness
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 and activity levels is a complex issue influenced by changes in employment patterns, sedentary
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
, and dietary habits. To address
this
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 challenge effectively, a holistic approach is required, encompassing workplace interventions, educational initiatives, and community planning. By recognizing the interconnected nature of these factors and implementing proactive measures, society can strive towards fostering a healthier and more active lifestyle for current and future generations.
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task achievement
Ensure that you provide specific examples to support your main points. While the essay addresses the topic well, the inclusion of pertinent examples, such as statistical data or personal anecdotes, would enhance the argument's effectiveness and provide concrete evidence to back up your claims.
coherence cohesion
Strive to maintain a strong link between your main ideas. Although your essay reveals a good structure, you must work on creating better cohesion between the paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your conclusion further. While your essay includes a conclusion, it could be expanded to succinctly summarize your main points and re-emphasize the significance of the problem and suggested resolutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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