IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others view it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #conflict #parents #part #whilst
The adolescent phase takes a major role in their character development where they will eventually encounter conflicts with anyone, especially with their closest relatives– which are their parents. There has been a debate whether or not it is necessary to
experience
this
 as a part of growing up or the other way around.
This
 essay will discuss each
viewpoints
Change to a singular noun
viewpoint
show examples
 to understand both sides of people’s
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. A conflict can occur to anyone
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any time of
age
 in their lifetime and it does not have to be avoided at all times. When you are in
age
Add an article
an age
the age
show examples
 where you have to learn by
experience
 and have time on your own to reflect as a part of self-actualization, it
is not always have
Change the verb form
does not always have
show examples
 to be taught by the book.
However
, when they are facing a problem with their parents, they can learn how to face the consequences of their actions and improve their conflict-resolution skills.
Hence
 why some people view
this
 as an important situation for teenagers to
experience
. Meanwhile, some people
opposed
Add a missing verb
are opposed
show examples
 to the idea
due to
 the belief that a negative incident would lead to teenagers being distant towards them. If the conflict comes up
consequently
, they would normalize these occurrences and are unable to improve their way
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 coping with conflicts. There are alternative ways
such
 as giving them challenging tasks to complete independently in order to solve problems on their own. In my opinion, confronting negative
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 may help teenagers or even people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 any
age
 to improve their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in facing it and would eventually develop their
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 skills
instead
 of avoiding it.
Therefore
, facing conflict at a young
age
 with their parents is necessary for their growth in
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and personality-wise.
Submitted by anindyadewi58 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure by using clear paragraphs to delineate introduction, main body, and conclusion. Make use of linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with specific examples and richer details to support your assertions. This will help to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and to provide a more complete response.
language
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Variation in sentence structures can also enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: