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Band 6.5

the chart gives information about entertainment venues and their admissions in 2009

the chart gives information about entertainment venues and their admissions in 2009
#information #entertainment #venues #admissions
The bar chart
ccompares
Correct your spelling
compares
 the statistics of
attendancy
Correct your spelling
attendance
 at entertainment places,
whereas
 the table shows the data on the
tickets
Change the noun form
ticket
show examples
 prices of certain events in 2009.
Overall
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to watch movies at cinemas, rather than
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 sports and theme parks.
Additionally
, cinema
tickets
 were the cheapest,
while
 watching Australian Football was the most expensive experience.
To begin
,
according to
 the
attendency
Correct your spelling
attendance
tendency
 bar graph, more than 1000 people went to the cinema accounting for the highest number.
In contrast
, only about 180 individuals travelled to watch sports, followed by about 380 visitors walking to the theme park in 2009.
Furthermore
, those who chose to watch a cricket game or a movie at the cinema spent the least amount of money
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15$ and 24$ for a single ticket, respectively.
Converserly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, single(75$) and family (298$ for 4 people)
tickets
 for a football game (AFL) had the highest rate
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 NRL
tickets
Wrong verb form
were
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being
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 slightly more reasonable
Change preposition
at
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with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 73$ per
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
person and 290$ for a group of four.
Submitted by innakireeva0101 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tickets with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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