IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

#studies #teenagers #person #case #measures #time
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Studies show that
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
 many youngsters prefer to communicate with another person
via
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online. From
this
 problem, I think that youth feel more flexible
to meet
Change preposition
about meeting
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 another person without meeting immediately. In my opinion, steps which ought to be taken to
boost
Verb problem
encourage
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 young
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 to meet directly with others are making an attractive meeting schedule.
This
 case occurs caused
by
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of
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 technology
that is
 getting
easy
Correct word choice
easier
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 to
be used
Wrong verb form
use
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 and more flexible. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 making someone
no
Correct your spelling
not
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needing
Change the form of the verb
need
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 to prepare
for interacting
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to interact
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 with others.
For instance
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 who possess a meeting schedule through their gadgets do not need to shower, and they feel that they do not
entail
Verb problem
have
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 to spend their energy. They only
require
Wrong verb form
required
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 to open their smartphones and
then
performing
Verb problem
apply
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communication
Replace the word
communicate
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 on their phone. In my mind,
measure
Add an article
a measure
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that is
 done to push the
children
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children's
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 interaction outside
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
 is making an appealing schedule.
For example
,
meeting
Replace the word
meetings
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 that they perform should not only communicate face to face, but they
also
 can make an event like
workout
Correct your spelling
working
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 together or going to some places
where
Correct word choice
that
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 are interesting. For men, perhaps they are able to socialize
with
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by
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 playing futsal, and for women, possibly they can go shopping with their friends.
Hence
, their meeting is not monotonous, and youngsters do not feel
boring
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bored
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 in their interaction.
To conclude
,
this
 condition happens because teenagers feel more flexible if they use their phone to communicate with others, and
step
Correct article usage
a step
show examples
 that should be taken is making
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 like playing futsal or going shopping together so that they are interested
to communicate
Change preposition
in communicating
show examples
 with another person .
Submitted by fifi on

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structure
Make sure to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement, each body paragraph should contain one main idea with supporting details, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your points and restate your thesis.
coherence
Use a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, linking words, and transition phrases to better connect your ideas. This will help your essay to flow more naturally and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
development
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Instead of just stating an idea, explain why you think it is true or how it works in practice. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
relevance
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is relevant to the question. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph, and make sure all subsequent sentences relate to that idea.
task completion
For task achievement, fully address all parts of the task. Include specific details and examples that respond directly to the prompts. Make sure your essay provides a complete answer to both questions asked, including the reasons for the phenomenon and the measures that could encourage in-person interactions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • curate
  • engaging
  • social anxiety
  • digital detox
  • tech-free zones
  • mentorship programs
  • real-world interactions
  • face-to-face settings
  • in-person participation
  • promote
  • deter
  • foster
  • appeal
  • perspectives
  • detox challenges
  • community service
What to do next:
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