With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the Internet. What potential problems may this trend lead to? What solutions can you suggest to deal with it?
The number of young people who have uncontrolled access to the Internet is rising
,
since social Remove the comma
apply
media
is increasing day to day. This
essay will first suggest that the biggest problems caused by this
phenomenon are ignoring real life and a possible decrease in productivity and then
argue that paying fines and strict control.
Obviously, if youngsters waste time on visual and non-existent heroes in games, they might lose self-esteem and stop improving themselves. Furthermore
, by expanding the sources of information on the internet, youngsters harm their mental health
. For instance
, according to
research about the studying abilities of students at Stanford University, students who used to scroll social media
a lot, have felt less confident and stressed during exams and have admitted that concentrating on long tasks was difficult, also
, their exam results were lower by 20% than the results they showed when they did another test.
Parents should be responsible and look after their children, as it might be essential in order to prevent consequences such
as health
issues or lower marks. Moreover
, strict rules about allowed hours need to be set up by the government to control and help to be more focused on work or study. For instance
, in Japan there used to be a rule according to
which young employees and students have access to social media
only after working hours.
In conclusion, widespread use of social media
might lead to problems in society among teenagers and children such
as having problems both with mental health
and physical health
and being less productive, however
, setting up fines who spend more than allowed and have severe control over parents
can prevent possible consequences.Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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task response
Ensure that solutions are clearly aligned with the problems identified in the essay. You mentioned fines but didn't clearly explain how this would work, especially regarding monitoring internet usage. Consider expanding on how governmental rules can be enforced.
relevant specific examples
Your essay mentions fines, which are not fully developed or relevantly connected to the main ideas explored. Providing more depth and different examples would enhance the specificity and relevance.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, providing an organized framework for your ideas.
complete response
You adequately addressed both parts of the task, identifying potential problems and providing solutions.
logical structure
The essay mostly maintains a logical progression of ideas, with a clear connection between internet usage and its effects on youngsters.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...