Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, sya that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #children #school #sya #cooperation #team #skills

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A discourse about culture in schools has resulted in various responses, some people think it is fundamental to teach competitiveness.

While

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others say they should be taught to cooperate and work in a team. From the deepest of my heart, my standpoint gravitates to the latter.

To begin

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with, teaching students to be competitive might be a good thing as it harsens their survival mode.

Moreover

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, it

also

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taught them that to get what they want they should be hard workers.

As a result

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, they will be high achievers with an abundance of achievements. Regardless, there are various downsides to it.

Firstly

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, they will be highly ambitious and will do everything possible to get what they want sometimes even doing harmful things,

such

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as cheating.

Secondly

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, it creates individualistic children who only care for themselves and have low awareness of the surrounding environment.

On the other hand

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, teaching children cooperation and teamwork skills will bring various benefits.

Firstly

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, it will surely help them to lower their ego and accept differences in life.

Secondly

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, by doing so, they will be able to develop and grow together as a means to pursue their goals respectively.

Thirdly

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, it will bring them closer to one another,

thus

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building a sense of belonging to always help and look out for each other. Fourthly, those two skills are fundamental and will be needed even in the workforce. Fifthly, as a social creature, they will not be able to live alone,

thus

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having those kinds of skills will make them an integral part of the community.

To sum up

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while

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others say that competitiveness is important to be taught in school. I do believe that teaching them to work in a team and to cooperate will be keys to a better life with a variety kind of benefits in the long run.

Submitted by alyarachmadivaa on Mon Jan 22 2024

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Task Response

To improve task response, make sure you address all parts of the question equally. In this essay, the case for competitiveness was not as fully developed or supported as the case for cooperation and teamwork. Aim to present a balanced discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on clear topic sentences and linking words that help connect the ideas seamlessly from one paragraph to the other. Consider revising the essay to avoid sudden shifts in topics and to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

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Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, sya that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

disadvantages and advantages of universal healthcare.[781]

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

in the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment not to Shop. Do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

Some people believe that using animals to test the safety of human medicines is cruel and unwarranted, whereas others feel it is a medical necessity. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.