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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solution can you suggest?

#countries #schools #student #behaviour
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A lot of young people have bad
behaviour
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 at schools and that occurs in many nations. It is because of not giving enough upbringing to
children
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 and it can solve with acquiring them normal nurture. In some families,
parents
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 do not pay attention to looking after the
children
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's
behaviour
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. Of course,
parents
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 are busy at work to get money for their
children
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, but if they continue to not look after their
children
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, it can lead to big problems.
For example
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, my friend Maksat is from a wealthy family but his mother and father did not spend time with their son in past. So now their son is not thinking about his future and gets a large amount of bad scores on tests and a complaint from teachers.
This
Linking Words
 problem can easily be solved.
Parents
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 just need to spend enough time near their
children
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 and it can help them completely filled with happiness and will understand from their
parents
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 that things like
behaviour
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 in school are important.
For instance
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, my sister Aknur is the kind of girl that do not want to speak about her
behaviour
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,
due to
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 my mom and dad do not speak with her normally about
this
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. When I gently told him how
behaviour
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 in school can attract her bands and future, she understood
this
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 quickly. In conclusion, some school
children
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 have several problems with
behaviour
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 because of not enough attention from their
parents
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 and spending time with them and normally talking about
behaviour
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 is the only solution.
Submitted by Kawasaki on

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task achievement
Make sure to explain your points clearly and provide more comprehensive ideas related to the causes and solutions of the problem.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs to make your essay more cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be developed further to provide a stronger start and finish.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the causes and solutions for student behaviour problems, which is good.
task achievement
You have provided some examples to support the main points, which is a positive aspect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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