IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think it is harmful for people to watch advertisements, others think it improves our lives. Discuss both views and give your own.

#people #advertisements #lives
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Advertisements are one of the main marketing strategies taken by companies with a view to ensuring forecasted sales for their produced products. A group of individuals often believe that displaying advertisements has a negative impact on the public,
while
Linking Words
 a large number of manpower support
this
Linking Words
 goods marketing strategy as it plays a vital role in developing the human lifestyle. There are a variety of reasons why advertising is detrimental to watch. One possible reason is that viewing excessive promotion on electronic devices
such
Linking Words
 as television, computers, and mobile phones causes health-related issues including obesity and eye-vision problems etc.
For example
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,
product
Use synonyms
 manufacturing firms are used to promote their produced goods , especially baby food through colourful advertisements on television channels.
This
Linking Words
 is because children are encouraged to stick with
this
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 colourful
product
Use synonyms
 promotion through electronic devices which leads to them suffering from eye-sight problems
as well as
Linking Words
 excessive weight gain.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most of the time parents are worried about their children's medical treatment.
On the other hand
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,
people
Use synonyms
 benefit from the
product
Use synonyms
 promotion strategy through different channels particularly electronic media, newspapers, campaigns etc.
Moreover
Linking Words
, advertisement helps the
people
Use synonyms
 and society to share the information about the latest goods.
Although
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 the cost of
product
Use synonyms
 publicity is always added to the final
product
Use synonyms
 price, it is useful for the end-user to make a decision before buying the
product
Use synonyms
 based on the information gathered from the advertisement. The advertisement not only provides
product
Use synonyms
-related information
such
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 as price, brand name, ingredients, and expiry date but
also
Linking Words
 ensures a meaningful life for
people
Use synonyms
 as it is easier for customers to choose the best quality
product
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 affordable prices. In conclusion, there are those who believe that watching commercials is bad for
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it makes life better.
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clear opinion in your conclusion to fully address the task requirement of giving your own view.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking words and organizing ideas more clearly into paragraphs.
task achievement
Develop your main points further with specific examples and clearer explanations to deepen the analysis.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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