IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people aim to achieve a balance between their work and lifes,but few people achieve it. What are the causes of this? How to overcome this problem?

Many
people
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 are increasingly concerned about how to maintain clear boundaries between two essential aspects of life: occupation and personal
time
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.
However
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, the number of individuals who successfully manage
this
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 balance remains relatively small.
This
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 issue is largely the result of financial difficulties and ineffective
time
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 management. In many cases,
people
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 do not receive sufficient financial support from the government or their employers, which forces them to work longer hours or take on multiple jobs just to cover basic expenses.
As a result
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, their personal lives suffer, leaving them with little or no
time
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 to relax or spend with family. To address
this
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 problem, several effective measures can be implemented.
Firstly
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, increasing wages would reduce the need for excessive working hours, allowing
people
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 to achieve a healthier work-life balance.
In addition
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, offering financial incentives
such
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 as cash bonuses or tax reductions could
further
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 support employees and reduce their dependence on secondary jobs. Governments and employers should
also
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 consider introducing flexible working hours, which would give individuals more control over their
time
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. In conclusion,
although
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 financial pressure and poor
time
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 planning often prevent
people
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 from separating their work and personal lives, these problems can be tackled through better financial support and improved workplace policies. With the right measures in place, more individuals would be able to enjoy both career success and personal well-being.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your points about financial difficulties and time management.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the issue and sets the context for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main ideas and offers a clear solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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