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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
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Some have suggested that the learner can have more ability and do something with fault,
while
 others hold an opposing view that a person should give more prevented and tend to believe that their offspring can not do something with a misstep. In my opinion, I agree more with the former. On the one hand, there are multiple reasons why people would argue that offspring can have a free chance to do everything and make snafu, and an obvious one could be that it can improve children's confidence when at a young age.
For instance
, the senior who learns something new will make various omissions, if the parents will give they more time to do it and say “You are the best one”, the student will be more confident when difficult problems come. Another can be that it can cultivate an ability that cope the new things.
Such
 as, when they do the housework and make an omission, the thing will give them a lesson and they know how to do it well next time.
As a result
, I think the offspring should have more flexibility to avoid confusion.
On the other hand
,
it is clear that
 the person does not want their pupils to make omission exemptions. A key reason is that they give more and more companionship to the baby. On top of that, they want to protect more and do not want their babies to suffer from injury. So the adults have a plan for the pupils to do something at their own pace.
Therefore
, there is no doubt that the parents should prevent the children when they do something make mistakes.
To conclude
, it is my view that adults should be given more chances for children that they can do anything to make mistakes, even though prevent them.
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Vocabulary & Sentence Structure
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and vary your sentence structure to make your essay more engaging.
Idea Development
Ensure your ideas are fully developed with specific examples. While you have included examples, elaborating on these further could strengthen your argument.
Argument Clarity
Work on the clarity of your argument by directly addressing the essay question in both the introduction and conclusion. This helps reinforce your stance and gives your essay a strong, coherent voice.
Grammar
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and strive for accuracy in your writing. Practicing specific grammatical structures can help improve your fluency and complexity.
Task Response
You effectively discussed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a good understanding of the essay task.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion were present and attempted to address the topic, which is essential for the structure of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear attempt at structuring your essay with paragraphs indicating different ideas, which is good for reader navigation.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
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