IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that reading books is more worthwhile than exploring the internet. Discuss both views

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There are two views about the value of reading
books
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 and spending
time
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 on social media. presumably, there are some defences for both groups. In
this
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 essay, I will point out them. In my opinion, I believe acquiring
knowledge
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 through
books
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 is essential for life
while
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 surfing the
internet
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 for
knowledge
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 can sometimes be a great help. On the one hand, those people who consider reading
books
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 as a valuable activity are right.
It is clear that
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 by reading
books
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, not only you don't waste your
time
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 but
also
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 you would benefit as much from educating in class.
For instance
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, reading
books
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 gives you
this
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 opportunity to boost your
knowledge
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 about all topics that you want.
Although
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 we can read
books
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 online, sometimes touching papers has a sense of satisfaction.
Moreover
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, some people have difficulty watching screens for long hours.
As a result
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, we shouldn't ignore the importance of reading
books
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 and the benefits
such
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 as improving memory which bring us.
On the other hand
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, these days using the
Internet
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 is necessary for us. In some cases, we can't live without that.
For example
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, each student searches the
internet
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 to come up with new ideas
instead
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 of walking around libraries which takes lots of
time
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, so the
internet
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 made our life much easier than before.
Additionally
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, by spending your
time
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 on the
Internet
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 you can easily make money and increase your salary. As an example, if you dedicate your
time
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 to your YouTube channel you will gain
moneyfor
Correct your spelling
money for
 a
while
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.
This
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 matter pushes especially young people to concentrate on social media
instead
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 of wasting
time
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 and a large amount of money to buy
books
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.
To sum up
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, there are lots of
books
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 around the world whose content cannot be found on the
Internet
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, so we can not escape the value of reading
books
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.
Moreover
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, the development of the
internet
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 is mesmerising and stunning which maybe we can not delete from our routine. I believe
knowledge
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 improvement with the help of
books
Use synonyms
 is more important and should be prevalent among everyone.

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task achievement
You have provided a clear stance on the topic, which is good. However, to achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the prompt. While you discuss both views, make sure to offer a balanced argument before presenting your opinion.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical sequence of information and ideas. Your essay should smoothly transition from one point to the next. To improve, consider using a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices.
task achievement
Offer more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This could involve citing studies, quoting experts, or providing statistical data that adds weight to your points. Specific examples help to show the examiner you can apply the general topic to real-world scenarios.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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