IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern era, a group of individuals believes the gap between the affluent and those below the poverty line should be minimal so that a joyful
society
Use synonyms
 can flourish. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. My essay will provide details with examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, equal distribution of wealth is an important aspect of economic stability. If the accumulation of wealth is in the hands of fewer individuals
then
Linking Words
 there are chances of instability in
society
Use synonyms
 as the rich will take undue advantage of the weaker section of
society
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many reputed businessmen want to expand their
business
Use synonyms
 horizons
therefore
Linking Words
 they continue their efforts to purchase more land for
business
Use synonyms
 expansion sometimes they cheat low-income groups by forcefully taking their land with minimal cost.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is essential to bridge the gap between richer and
poor
Correct word choice
poorer
show examples
 sections and authorities’ intervention is required so that underprivileged sections of
society
Use synonyms
 will not cheated by affluent persons. Even though some efforts are made to reduce the gap between two sections of
society
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, individuals believe that sometimes it is good for long-term
business
Use synonyms
 growth perspective.
For instance
Linking Words
, a report published in the corporate magazine indicated, some shifts in the thinking process of modern businesses as they started dealing with corporate social responsibility and serving those who are in need through charity to non-government organizations.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the
business
Use synonyms
 world is taking important steps to help and safeguard the requirements of the weaker section of
society
Use synonyms
, they should continue with
this
Linking Words
 approach in the future.
To conclude
Linking Words
, satisfaction in
society
Use synonyms
 can be achieved by reducing disparity in income groups. Small efforts should be incorporated to promote a helping hand to those who are in need so that everyone in
society
Use synonyms
 will be treated with respect and care

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure from introduction to conclusion. Make your main ideas more distinct and use paragraphs effectively.
task achievement
Extend and support your main ideas. Provide more comprehensive elaboration on your points, ensuring that you fully address the prompt.
lexical resource
Expand your lexical resource by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and more complex language structures.
grammatical range
Improve your grammatical range by varying your sentence structures and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • distribution of wealth
  • social cohesion
  • social unrest
  • crime rates
  • economic equality
  • overall well-being
  • health outcomes
  • education outcomes
  • motivation
  • innovation
  • equal opportunities
  • wealth redistribution
  • economic growth
  • productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: