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Band 7

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #numbers
In the ultra-modern epoch,
poverty
 has been increasing rapidly, and it is believed that providing free basic
education
 to all will help reduce it. I partially agree with
this
 notion. I will explicate my viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with there are a wide area of reasons why
people
 reckon that providing free
education
 up to a certain limit will help reduce destitution. The most significant reason is that
this
 will help in increasing the literacy rate of the
country
.
As a result
, more
people
 will be able to work and
thus
 help themselves financially. A dairy farm owner ,
for instance
,in India, hires a person to keep count of all the
money
 because he is illiterate. If he was an educated man, he would have not hired an employee and paid him.
Therefore
, he could have handled everything on his own and saved a large sum of
money
.
Thus
, helping him become financially stronger. Despite the arguments, there are a plethora of disagreements about
this
 phenomenon. The first and foremost reason is that the
government
 should pay more attention towards providing jobs to all the literate
people
 of the
country
. Kerala in India,
for example
, has an 84% literacy rate but still has many impoverished
people
. So, it is not just
education
that is
 important, rather
government
 should construct multinational companies to help
people
 with jobs
thus
, reducing
poverty
. Another worth considering reason is that the
government
 should increase the export system in the
country
. To discuss, if the things available in one
country
 travel to places where they are much needed, the
government
 can demand more
money
 from those countries and use that
money
 for the betterment of the
people
.
As a result
, the number of impoverished
people
 in the
country
 will decrease.
To conclude
, I would like to ingeminate that
although
 providing
education
 to
people
 for no
money
 can reduce
poverty
, there are still major steps that the
government
 can take to decrease
poverty
 in the
country
.
Submitted by jaspreet on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure throughout the essay by introducing each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that signals the main point to the reader, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms), but make sure they are used accurately and help to guide the reader. Avoid overusing them which might lead to mechanical writing.
Task Achievement
To improve the task achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt by providing a more thorough explanation of how education impacts poverty and may also consider other socio-economic factors.
Task Achievement
Develop each main point with clear, comprehensive ideas supported by specific examples and detailed explanations. This helps demonstrate your ability to explore the topic in depth.
Task Achievement
In the introduction, clearly state whether you agree, disagree, or partially agree with the given statement to immediately establish a clear position that can be developed throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • functional literacy
  • numeracy skills
  • educational opportunity
  • employment prospects
  • critical thinking
  • empowerment
  • inequality reduction
  • sustainable development
  • innovation
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