IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the best way to reduce the gap between the rich and poor is through government intervention, while others believe that it is better to leave it to the free market. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent years, the
gap
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 between wealthy and underdeveloped
nations
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 has significantly widened, causing serious global issues
such
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 as inequality in
education
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, economic instability, and limited access to technology. Bridging
this
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gap
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 is essential for sustainable
development
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 and international cooperation.
This
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 essay will discuss the major causes of
this
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 disparity and propose viable solutions to narrow it. One major factor contributing to the
gap
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 between rich and poor
countries
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 is historical. In the past, colonialism and exploitation left many
nations
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 with weak economies, poor infrastructure, and unstable political systems, making it difficult for them to develop effectively. Another key factor is technological advancement. Developed
nations
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 invest heavily in research and innovation, which enhances their productivity and economic growth,
while
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 less developed
countries
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 often lack access to these technologies.
Moreover
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,
education
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 plays a crucial role in national
development
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. Wealthier
countries
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 typically have superior educational systems, resulting in a more skilled workforce and higher wages,
whereas
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 poorer
countries
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 face shortages of qualified teachers and resources, hindering human capital
development
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. To reduce
this
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 inequality, several measures can be taken.
First,
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investing in
education
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 and vocational training in poorer
countries
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 can empower individuals with the skills needed to improve their lives and contribute to national progress.
Second,
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technology transfer should be encouraged, where developed
countries
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 support developing
nations
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 by sharing advanced technologies and providing training on how to use them effectively.
Lastly
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, promoting good governance, reducing corruption, and ensuring transparency in resource management can significantly enhance
development
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 outcomes in low-income
countries
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. In conclusion, addressing the
gap
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 between rich and poor
nations
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 requires both domestic reforms in developing
countries
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 and international support.
While
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 poorer
nations
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 must invest in
education
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 and governance, wealthier
countries
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 have a responsibility to assist through technological and financial cooperation. Only through mutual efforts can we achieve a more balanced and prosperous global society, where all people have the opportunity to improve their quality of life.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the prompt and discusses both views effectively. Ensure that your opinions are explicitly linked to the suggestions you make, reinforcing the argument for government intervention or free market solutions more directly related to the reduction of the wealth gap.
coherence and cohesion
While your logical structure is strong, consider using more varied linkers to enhance the flow between ideas. For example, transitioning between points on education and technology could benefit from phrases to indicate comparison or causation, adding depth to your arguments.
task achievement
You provide solid examples related to education and governance. However, including more specific data or case studies could enhance the impact of your points and demonstrate thorough understanding, which may strengthen the argument and provide a clearer picture of your stance.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This coherency makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of language is sophisticated, and you employ a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures effectively, which showcases your English proficiency.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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