IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family at the same time.what problems can this create?what are the possible solutions?

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Lately, many topics are being seriously talked about among various individuals and groups, and one prominent topic is between career and family. In the succeeding paragraphs, the problem may caused by struggling to balance a successful business and a pleasant family at the same
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, and a possible
way
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 to solve
this
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 is to be discussed. The first point to emphasise is mental and health problems. It is a common fact that being overconfident and optimistic about own abilities may cause some health issues since a happy family life and a prosperous career both need enormous
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 to pile up and form.
For instance
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, a person spends more than 5 hours with their partner and children per day to maintain a good relationship, but he or she
also
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 wanna have an exceptional career which means that something must be given up,
such
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 as sleeping
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, and private
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, or
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 for their hobbies,
as a result
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 that the stress start piling up in their physical and psychical constantly to impact their health,
such
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 as autism, cardiac problems.
Therefore
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, spending too much
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 on extrinsic things without keeping some
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 for oneself isn't a wise decision.
On the other hand
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, A possible
way
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 to solve
this
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 is to map a personal timetable. The reason is that it can assist with
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 distribution reasonably. To illustrate, a good daily timetable can help people to reduce stress,
such
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 as making breakfast for children at 7 am before driving them to school at 8 am, after that start dealing with some private jobs and so on, people would feel more comfortable without pressures since they just require following the lists.
Hence
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, people can deal with their daily jobs more conveniently from
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 management, without stress. In conclusion, holding a nice relationship with family and getting a successful business aren't easy
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 since both of those need to spend a lot of
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 cultivating.
However
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, one should bear in mind that using
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 reasonably is the only
way
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 to assist us in reaching our goal.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction briefly outlines the issues and solutions to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main point and support it with clear, specific examples.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both the problems and the solutions in detail.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to illustrate the problems and solutions, ensuring relevance to the question.
task achievement
Work on structuring your ideas more clearly to make the essay comprehensive for the reader.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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