IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their parent. Other believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that
children
Use synonyms
 should spend all of their free
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe
this
Linking Words
 is not necessary and could even be harmful. Both viewpoints have valid reasons, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore each side before sharing my personal opinion. On one hand, spending free
time
Use synonyms
 with
parents
Use synonyms
 helps
children
Use synonyms
 build strong emotional bonds and learn values that guide them throughout life.
Parents
Use synonyms
 are in the best position to teach discipline, manners, and responsibility.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who regularly do household chores or engage in shared family activities like cooking or reading often develop a stronger sense of belonging and emotional security.
Additionally
Linking Words
, parental supervision reduces the risk of
children
Use synonyms
 getting involved in harmful
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 or unsafe situations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need
time
Use synonyms
 away from their
parents
Use synonyms
 to grow socially and develop independence. Interacting with peers helps them build communication skills, teamwork, and confidence.
For instance
Linking Words
, playing sports or participating in group projects at school gives
children
Use synonyms
 the chance to solve problems, express themselves, and learn from others. Without
such
Linking Words
 experiences,
children
Use synonyms
 may become overly dependent on their
parents
Use synonyms
 or struggle to adjust to real-world situations later in life. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
parents
Use synonyms
 offers clear benefits, it is equally important for
children
Use synonyms
 to explore the world beyond their family. A balanced approach that allows
children
Use synonyms
 to enjoy family life
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 participating in independent or
peer-centered
Change the spelling
peer-centred
show examples
 activities supports healthier development. In my view, giving
children
Use synonyms
 both guidance and freedom prepares them better for future challenges.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What works well

2
coherence and cohesion

You have a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your discussion.

task achievement

Your essay presents balanced arguments from both sides, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Improvement Suggestions

2
task achievement

Consider expanding on your examples to provide more depth and detail. This can enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that the paragraphs flow logically into one another. You might consider adding transitional phrases to link your ideas more clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: