IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Open plan offices offer a better working environment for staff than a normal office. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#plan #offices #offer #environment #staff #office
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Some people are
in
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of
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 the view that public working areas give a better performing environment for workers when compared to private offices. As much as doing work in an open area improves relationships among workers, I totally fail to agree that it exceeds operating in private rooms as
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of people do their best in privacy. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to elaborate more on reasons why I disagree with the statement. To commence with, working privately offers freedom to an individual and
therefore
Linking Words
 they can do what they believe to be best without fear of being seen doing it.
For instance
Linking Words
, making phone calls to patients to remind them of their given appointments needs to be done in an enclosed area since the client may decide to provide personal challenges as to why they will not keep the appointments. In
this
Linking Words
 case, you may need to do a counselling session via phone call which in turn won't be done openly.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many people like it when functioning in a
quiter
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quiet
 place as noise may affect their levels of concentration. By
this
Linking Words
 I mean,
some
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that some
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 jobs require someone to really focus for them to perform well since a small distraction may make them
loose
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lose
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 attention. As an example, writing a proposal for a certain project requires you to be very keen because if
their
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there
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 is no deep
conentration
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concentration
then
Linking Words
 it can either take you several hours to write or lead to mistakes in the document written. To sum it all
, I
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up, I
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 firmly oppose that performance in shared rooms can surpass personal offices for the reasons mentioned above as most individuals love it when they work in
provate
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private
 rooms and
additionally
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 need to provide
privacy
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the privacy
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 that a common environment can not offer.
Submitted by rebecckwamboka96 on

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structure
Make sure the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should paraphrase the question and clearly state your position. The body paragraphs should each focus on a single main idea with clear topic sentences. In the conclusion, restate your position and summarize the main points.
coherence
Enhance the logical flow by using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences. This may include conjunctions, discourse markers, and synonym usage to avoid repetition.
development
Develop the main points more fully with further elaboration, explanation, and examples. Aim to write more complex sentences to showcase your language ability.
examples
Expand on the ideas you introduce with specific examples to solidify your arguments. Make sure these examples are directly related to the topic and are used to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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